Shut up anxiety

October 3rd 2020

The more you know yourself the less anxiety you have

Because when you start getting anxiety

You learn to tell your self

“Shut the fuck up bitch, girl you are not dying, NO you do NOT need to go to the hospital, you just had too much caffeine! You are NOT dying, chill the fuck out….. Go sit in a corner and breath”

Getting high is like playing luminosity

October 1st 2020

Getting high is like playing Luminosity

That brain game app

That’s why I smoke weed

I am exercising my brain

It just takes me to this different level of consciousness and creativity

That’s why I like to smoke every day…

….rant….

Maybe this Luminosity game is actually eating my brain cells

I dont know

I think I am gaining some and eating some

Its all about balance

Fall so hard in love with me

11/7/2020 part 1
11/7/2020 part 2

{PART 1}

I want someone to….

….fall in love with me so fucking hard….

*BEFORE* they sleep with me….

….BEFORE they even had their fucking first kiss with me

Because if you haven’t fallen in love with me so fucking hard….

*BEFORE* you kiss me….

You don’t deserve to kiss me…

…OK

And also…. {Ramble, ramble, ramble, listen to the audio}

{PART 2}

I want you to fall in love with me so fucking hard…

*BEFORE* we have sex…

…So I know you love me for not just the sex…

OK

I need you to love me for the non sexual reasons…

…and that way I know…

….that you will never try to sleep with somebody else…

…because you’re so in love with all the other shit about me…

…I need you to be aware of the non sexual things….

If that makes any sense….

So when you look at these other girls…

….and they’re hotter than me…

….you’re gonna be like….. NO!!!

“But Sams got {THIS} and {THAT} and no ones got that and I fell in love with {THAT}….”

Thats when….

….maybe….

….. I’ll fall in love you…

Friends First

October 31st 2020

Only….

….if we can have a friendship last six months…

….without any intimacy….

…for six fucking months…

…without having sex…

Will I consider dating you

If we can make it six months and sex isn’t a thing tying us together…

…then maybe we have a shot at a real relationship…

Covid Photos

October 5th 2020

In the future looking back at photos from 2020 are going to be funny

Our grand children are going to be like

“Grandpa, what’s on grandma’s face? Right under her chin? That cloth diaper looking thing”

We will be like

“Oh honey that was 2020, that’s the Covid era, we don’t talk about that time, that was a bad time”

Love at first sight isn’t true love

October 5th 2020

It may have been love at first sight for you

But you will never know if it’s true love till some time passes

Till you have been through some struggles

Till you have hated that person yet you still cant live with out them

That’s when you know its true love

Just cuz it was love at first sight doesn’t mean its true love

That’s just fucking infatuation

Stop fucking infatuating yourself with strangers and trying to stick your dick in them

Thank you

My name is Sami and I am a gum addict

October 5th 2020

….

How do you know if someone is a gum addict?

Same way you know if someone is addicted to cigarettes….

….they buy the cartons at Costco

I… am…. a…. gum addict

I buy the cartons of gum at Costco

Probably, possibly bi-weekly or at least for sure monthly…. about…

Yeah

I got my addictions to the gums

I don’t know why

I probably have a deficiency or effects of antidepressants

I just keep wanting to chew it

Have my mouth so minty and not dry

I just don’t like to have that cotton mouth

That dryness

I’m not even that big of a stoner

So uh

Yeah ….

My name is Sami and I am a gum addict….

Do emojis make text more meaningful?

October 9th 2020

It’s my moms birthday and I’m not big on Facebook affection

I feel like when you say happy birthday on Facebook its to make sure everyone else sees that you said happy birthday to your mom

I refuse to play that game

I tell no one happy birthday on social media.

If your my real friend or part of my life I’ll tell you in person if I can or more likely through text

So now I’m wondering if my happy birthday text to my mom sucked because my mom replied and just said “thanks, love you too”

And I am like, that’s kind of a short reply for me saying “happy birthday, love and miss you so much have the best day”

And she just said “thank you love you too with a heart emoji”

Now it made me think like shit was my happy birthday text bad because I put zero emojis

Zero

Would I have gotten a better response from her if I put all the bday emojis

Would it have been a more meaningful happy birthday text if I put some emojis in it?

Lesson from a old man in a tutu at trader joes

ranted this morning

So this one day…. meaning right now…. I uh…

I was doing my hair and makeup, I was high

Um Its ok, I had the day off

I was like what makeup should I do? What hair should I do?

And I was like what the fuck

It’s my day off

And why do I even have to do my hair or make up

So I just put it in this messy ass bun since I don’t need my hair looking great

I really wish I could just take my hair off, have a shaved head or something

But I don’t so I put it in a bun on the top of my head and I get all the hair off my neck and shoulders so it at least feels like I don’t have any hair

Except it feels like something is squeezing my head which is really annoying but I guess its the price I pay for not shaving my head

Anyway I put my hair in a weird ass bun and I have my crooked ass reject glasses on, No make up on and thought…

. . . should I at least put some mascara on?

. . . don’t I need like something?

Then I was like bitch

If I can fucking see at Trader Joes

A old ass man in a faded fucking rainbow tutu with a dirty wife beater pulling his luggage around waving like he is Marilyn Monroe

Yeah…I saw that the other day at Trader Joes

If I can see that

Surely,

Fucking surely,

I can walk out of the house with my hair in a bun

No makeup on

Not even mascara

Surely, I can do that

So that’s what I am going to do today

Cam-girl room decorating abilities mishap

February 25th 2020

There is a lady out in the world right now who is very pissed at me for criticizing her cam-girl room decorating abilities

Let me rewind a little bit and give you an introduction into how this all came about

I believe in not saying bad things about yourself so as not to cement that shit in let me just tell the universe right now….. “please don’t really make me a broke ass bitch”

But like, maybe I am a broke ass bitch

I was a hairstylist for 8+ years and when I moved states and lost all my clients

I became a hairstylist with no clients to pay the bills

So basically I am a failed hairstylist, running out of money, 33 years old, no boyfriend or husband……. or sugar daddy

I have zero money coming in

All I want is like a mediocre fucking life which is like being rich to me

I just want to have a Spotify account where I can skip as many times as I want and not have to listen to commercials

Like that is rich to me!…. I want to be that rich

I just want to be able to live alone and not have messy ass roommates

I want to be able to walk around naked because I hate the feel of clothes

I want to be that rich….

So basically like middle class mediocre rich and I am not doing so good at that

I’m more like high schooler rich but with no parents taking care of me

So that’s not good…. I’m actually worse off than a high schooler

So…. uh…. yeah…..

I was desperate and decided that I should… Since I have no other skills and I am failing at doing hair because I have no clients and no jobs want to hire someone who has been a self employed hairstylists for 8+ years with no other expierence (in their eyes) And the ones that will hire me wont pay the money I need to be mediocre rich and live alone in a shitty apartment….

….so I thought… why not try porn . . . . .

But, I don’t want to let just any douche bags in me or like ass holes or pricks.

But thought maybe…. I can make some money doing cam girl shit

After brief and shitty research I was under the impression I would be able to make like five hundred a day and have sooo many followers in no time

Like right out the gate

I thought about it, I tried it and ugh….

I made thirty five dollars or something and did like 5 hours total

So that sucked….

I can twiddle my twat alone if I am not getting money for it

I could be doing other things that I want to do

But there I was trying to make money but got only the free loaders

Those few hours I put in already got me burnt out

That was 5 hours of my life and I thought I was going to make like a hundred dollars an hour

I felt like I should have had like five hundred dollars by then even though I knew it was going to take time to build a paying audience

The real thing that turned me off to it was

….this uh…

This mother fucker, fucking scammed me

I’m an idiot!

This mother fucker was in my cam room and man, I should have know better….

. . . . he messaged me on my twitter…. he messaged me on my instagram…. AND on my mother fucking email…

Asking how much for a 30 minute skype show

Then while I was live on my cam site he messaged me on Instagram again!!!

He couldn’t even message me on my cam site chat because he obviously had no tokens to message me and I had it set to only people with the tokens {money to spend} can message me…. I don’t want to talk to free loaders

I should have known right then and there when this mother fucker is messaging me on Instagram and all the other place EXCEPT the live cam room…

… but I am dumb

So he was going thru my amazon Wishlist and said he was going to buy the $200 hard drive I needed/ wanted for my photography

He was DMing me on Instagram this while I was live

I was like damn….. yeah…. ChaChing!$!$!$!

Sure i’ll do two, thirty minute private skype sessions for that

I told the mother fucker to wait till I was done with my live, with my 3 fans who never tipped me

He then had the audacity to say “its not like your making any money”…. {that piece of shit}

But I was also like “he’s right, fuck it lets get a two hundred dollar hard drive”

So he took me away from my cam show where I might have made three cents or something

But this bitch, this fucking ass hole, piece of shit, mother fucker, scum bag, douche bag, prick got me on a mother fucking skype cuz I got all turnt up for the hard drive and I did a thirty minute with him and I did another 30 minute with him the next day

But he was scamming me!!!!

I don’t even want to go into all the details

That’s a story of its own, it is depressing but its fucking gold and it could help people and maybe give me some money too and you know I am a broke ass bitch {universe cover your ears}

But…. yeah…. so any way that was my first attempt at cam girl-ing

I continue to work at my shitty ass part time retail job {universe don’t hear that either}

So shits getting real again. I got a month to figure out that I can’t live in the apartment that I’m living alone in and I need to get a roommate and blah blah blah and my jobs a piece of shit because I can’t even afford to live in the apartment that I’m living in…..

. . . . . . yada yada yada

So I hit the job boards and I see this cam girl shit again!

But this time it’s a fucking craigslist ad and claims it’s the #1 cam studio in the area

So I was like “wow!” maybe they got viewers and better traffic and algorithms and what not

So I messaged them and they were quick to get back to me

I go to check out this studio to be like a professional cam girl with the studio feeding me the viewers etc.

I get there and its a sketchy part of town the building is unmarked

I thought I was going to get inside and it was going to be like men in black. Like covert on the outside and beautiful on the inside. Because the craigslist ad said #1 cam studio

So… I walk in and this shit is dark and just broke fucking down in there

The girl I have the meeting/ interview with, she is just real odd

Bitch just like straight up starts signing me up for their site, sight unseen and my dumb ass went with it cuz she was freaky and clearly special needs and I didn’t want to be mean to the special needs person

She was older, it was hard to tell how old cuz her personality was like that of a 12 year old

Yet again that’s another story for another time….

This story is about how I pissed this lady off

She show me 2 rooms after filling out paperwork and one room isn’t even private its got a curtain so anyone going to the next room is going to see and hear my fake moaning

The rooms looks like meth head rooms. They are nasty as fuck and she is sadly so proud of them because she decorated them herself

They looked like dirty ass, fucking dingy, dark preteen rooms….

. . . eew …. I don’t want……. that’s not my fucking look

I’m like a modern classy harlot type

So I leave the place and she keeps texting me about my pending account etc.

I, in the nicest way tell her that the 2 rooms I saw were not my style and wanted to see pics of the other rooms, that I want a more modern, minimalistic and bright room

And she is sooooo offended and goes off on me

I tried to be super nice and actually even offered to help spruce the rooms up

I clearly struck a nerve with her

She quickly replied showing how un-fit she is to be an adult or a professional

Apparently she did wonders with that place…..