Tag: comedian

Insomnia

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

…. “I don’t get why I have insomnia because I’m up before everyone else I know. . . but I’m also the last one to go to bed” ….

…. “I don’t know, I’ve been doing fine, but I keep trying for 8 hours and I never get it” ….

…. “I barely sleep 6 hours straight, I’m so light sleeper-y” ….

…. “You took a long a** bath, you should be like ready to go to sleep like a f****** baby” ….

…. “I still can’t f****** sleep” ….

…. “So much thinking, its like building up inside my head. . . And now i have all this f***** energy because I don’t know. . . ” ….

…. “. . .f****** energetic thoughts of things and ideas, philosophies . . .{I sound like a crack head}” ….

“It sucks that I now am just so lonely and wound up that I have to talk to a phone [recorder]” ….

…. “I just want to sleep though, I almost take Benadryl every night. . . It’s so bad but it doesn’t even help, mostly, I think, I don’t know. . .” ….

…. “So that’s my rant on my insomnia. . . Kinda down but with like an energy that’s up because I feel cracked out. . . {it’s that f****** matcha latte that i had too late in the day. . . and . . . I’m high}” ….

Why do I want to be a comedian?

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

…. “I liked it. I liked the comedy of it, the sad dark humor of it and I think that’s probably cuz I have this sad dark humor” ….

…. “Where the f*** ever did think I want to be a stand up comedian?” ….

…. “I never was the person that was in the theater program who liked improve acting, I’m not that person” ….

…. “Why do I do what I do?” …. 

…. “Obviously not making money type thing” ….

…. “I just do it cuz its a way to fill my time and uh, be creative” ….

…. “I have not many people to talk to cuz I live alone and I’m a introverted type person” ….

…. “I don’t like this small talk shit” ….

…. “I don’t know what I was talking about actually” {laughs} ….

Honor Your Pain

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

3/5/2021 

…. “So uh, I just had this thought that uh, where ever it hurts is uh. . .  F*** I’m high!” ….

…. “Where ever it hurts you need to honor that, you need to thank it, don’t be mad, don’t be ashamed that it hurts” ….

…. “F****** honor it!” ….

…. “Like my ankles f****** hurt right now {laughs} from standing all day at work ok!? And um, they f****** hurt” ….

…. “But I’m like you know what. . .  I thank you f***** ankles for standing all day at work” ….

…. “Thank you” ….

…. “But yes, honor your pain, if it is a f***** broken heart . . .you know what, be like that’s understandable and now your stronger, your good” ….

…. “Like love that part about it” …. 

Check out my podcast | Sami Rants

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

Hey guys check out my podcast called Sami Rants where most podcasts are spewed.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1519597

Fall so hard in love with me

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment
11/7/2020 part 1
11/7/2020 part 2

{PART 1}

I want someone to….

….fall in love with me so fucking hard….

*BEFORE* they sleep with me….

….BEFORE they even had their fucking first kiss with me

Because if you haven’t fallen in love with me so fucking hard….

*BEFORE* you kiss me….

You don’t deserve to kiss me…

…OK

And also…. {Ramble, ramble, ramble, listen to the audio}

{PART 2}

I want you to fall in love with me so fucking hard…

*BEFORE* we have sex…

…So I know you love me for not just the sex…

OK

I need you to love me for the non sexual reasons…

…and that way I know…

….that you will never try to sleep with somebody else…

…because you’re so in love with all the other shit about me…

…I need you to be aware of the non sexual things….

If that makes any sense….

So when you look at these other girls…

….and they’re hotter than me…

….you’re gonna be like….. NO!!!

“But Sams got {THIS} and {THAT} and no ones got that and I fell in love with {THAT}….”

Thats when….

….maybe….

….. I’ll fall in love you…

Covid Photos

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment
October 5th 2020

In the future looking back at photos from 2020 are going to be funny

Our grand children are going to be like

“Grandpa, what’s on grandma’s face? Right under her chin? That cloth diaper looking thing”

We will be like

“Oh honey that was 2020, that’s the Covid era, we don’t talk about that time, that was a bad time”

Love at first sight isn’t true love

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment
October 5th 2020

It may have been love at first sight for you

But you will never know if it’s true love till some time passes

Till you have been through some struggles

Till you have hated that person yet you still cant live with out them

That’s when you know its true love

Just cuz it was love at first sight doesn’t mean its true love

That’s just fucking infatuation

Stop fucking infatuating yourself with strangers and trying to stick your dick in them

Thank you

My name is Sami and I am a gum addict

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment
October 5th 2020

….

How do you know if someone is a gum addict?

Same way you know if someone is addicted to cigarettes….

….they buy the cartons at Costco

I… am…. a…. gum addict

I buy the cartons of gum at Costco

Probably, possibly bi-weekly or at least for sure monthly…. about…

Yeah

I got my addictions to the gums

I don’t know why

I probably have a deficiency or effects of antidepressants

I just keep wanting to chew it

Have my mouth so minty and not dry

I just don’t like to have that cotton mouth

That dryness

I’m not even that big of a stoner

So uh

Yeah ….

My name is Sami and I am a gum addict….