…. “. . . Regular broadcasting tomorrow *maybe*. . . And sunny skies and positive vibes. . . Sending em your way” ….
Sami’s Voicemail
Tag: female comedian
Random thoughts and facts
…. “So uh” ….
…. “Sorry I’ve been a little MIA on the podcast” ….
***(PS find me where the podcasts are for the most current rants)***
…. “Just uh. . . I don’t know. . . Trying to figure my life out” ….
…. “Also . . . Uh. . . ” ….
…. “Sometimes I have my cup that I drink my tea in and I clean it out in the shower while I clean myself” ….
…. “I thought I wanted you guys to know that” ….
…. “As I’m just showering and doing my dishes over here” ….
Getting good at being yelled at
…. “Just waking up” ….
…. “I’m up, I’m up, I’m up, I’m up” ….
…. “I just was thinking” ….
…. “Going down memory lane and how I used to just be this different person that . . . um couldn’t handle stress” ….
…. “I was like terrified of everything, Everything!” ….
…. “I needed to be institutionalized, I mean I might still need to be institutionalized but whatever I’m happy” ….
…. “Back then I wasn’t happy and I was fucked up. . . or in a different way and um. . .” ….
…. “Im just like wow I’ve come so fucking far” ….
…. “I’m so like spiritual and awakened you know, like. . .” ….
…. “When theses m***** f****** are b******* and moaning at me” ….
…. “I don’t even f****** bat and eyelash” ….
…. “I know, I’m like in my head {I know this m***** f***** is having a bad day}” ….
…. “Whatever, something ain’t right, it has absolutely nothing to do with me” ….
…. “They are just sick of all the rules and changes in life and all the other drama in their life” ….
…. “So they are taking this s*** out on me” ….
…. “I realize this, I realize this” ….
…. “I just sit there and let them go on their little hissy fits” ….
…. “It’s the best f***** thing to do because these m***** f****** shut up and end up apologizing to me cuz they realize how f****** dumb they are!” ….
….{Side story rant}….
…. “Mind you, I’m in the middle of a f****** haircut right now!” ….
…. “So I tell this mother f*****. . .” ….
…. “So this guy keeps going off and saying some bull s***” ….
…. “Yes, I was shaky, I was reeling, reeling, reeling” ….
…. “I wasn’t about to meet that fool with his energy” ….
…. “I hear this mother f***** say {it’s a real hostile environment in here, isn’t it?}” ….
…. “I’m not giving that f****** idiot any time of day right now” ….
…. “He is on a different plane and I don’t want to get on that one” ….
…. “I guess apparently he apologized to the stylists. . .” ….
…. “Awesome sweet” ….
Butterfly filter lips
…. “God damn these f****** internet filters, like they be getting me” ….
…. “I done even like that the f***** butterflies are there” ….
…. “I just like the tones that it tones my picture to, it smoother my skin to look like a babies ass, um like it gives what looks like cool eyelashes or something, and it lightens my eyes . . . AND THEY ARE DIFFERENT COLORS” ….
…. “F*** yeah, of course I like that shit” ….
…. “But um IDGAF about the butterflies but they are there” ….
…. “Cheaper than getting contacts” ….
…. “Wait wait wait. . . I thought your lips were bigger than that b****” ….
…. “You realize all these filters be plumping your lips {laughs} and giving you f****** lip injections” ….
…. “You didn’t even know. . . Now you tripping out in the mirror like where the f*** my lips go?” ….
Shut up anxiety
The more you know yourself the less anxiety you have
Because when you start getting anxiety
You learn to tell your self
“Shut the fuck up bitch, girl you are not dying, NO you do NOT need to go to the hospital, you just had too much caffeine! You are NOT dying, chill the fuck out….. Go sit in a corner and breath”
Getting high is like playing luminosity
Getting high is like playing Luminosity
That brain game app
That’s why I smoke weed
I am exercising my brain
It just takes me to this different level of consciousness and creativity
That’s why I like to smoke every day…
….rant….
Maybe this Luminosity game is actually eating my brain cells
I dont know
I think I am gaining some and eating some
Its all about balance
It’s the shit that fucks you up in life that makes you beautiful
Its the shit that fucks you up in life that makes you beautiful
I look at my cat and think she has the cutest little walk
And then I realize
Its because she limps because of the shit she went through in life
Because for the first year of her life she was living at a hoarders house where she was scared to move from this one area of the cluttered house so she developed muscular atrophy
Then in the beginning of this year she was diagnosed with some type of plaque psoriasis like disease that mostly affects her legs with scabs which she licks till they become infected. We had to biopsy one leg to get a true diagnosis and after that she added an extra limp to her already unusual walk
Then I thought she looks so cute in her cone
Because when she is in her cone she likes to put one ear down and also does this weird paw move to try to get the cone off that reminds me of one of those Asian lucky fortune cat figurines that the paw moves
When she wears the cone she becomes another cat
She becomes so sweet and yet so needy at the same time
She insists on sleeping under the covers with me its super adorable yet do you know how hard it is to get a good nights sleep when you are sleeping with a dirty ass lamp shade
That cone is everywhere from touching the cat litter to her throwing up on it and dragging on the floor etc.
So all this makes her so damn cute yet I recognize its all the tough shit she has been through that had made her cuter and made me love her more
Even her whiskers are cute because her having the cone made them all ratchet and going every which way
New Tattoo
…. “It was so intuitive what I wanted” ….
…. “so far . . . 2 people are like {what are those lines mean/ what do those bands mean?}” ….
…. “I’m like WTF” ….
…. “Is this going to be the question I get asked for the rest of my life?” …..
…. “{WHAT DO THOSE BANDS MEAN!?}” ….
…. “They mean absolutely nothing except that I liked them” ….
…. “Why do they got to mean s***” ….
…. “What do I do? {Do I make us some f****** awesome story}” ….
…. “Or I could just be like . . . {They look pretty}” ….
Check out my podcast | Sami Rants
Hey guys check out my podcast called Sami Rants where most podcasts are spewed.
Tatted Guys
…. “when someone can get a little happy face with a cigarette in its mouth type shit…..” ….
Sami Peculiar 