I was like what makeup should I do? What hair should I do?
And I was like what the fuck
It’s my day off
And why do I even have to do my hair or make up
So I just put it in this messy ass bun since I don’t need my hair looking great
I really wish I could just take my hair off, have a shaved head or something
But I don’t so I put it in a bun on the top of my head and I get all the hair off my neck and shoulders so it at least feels like I don’t have any hair
Except it feels like something is squeezing my head which is really annoying but I guess its the price I pay for not shaving my head
Anyway I put my hair in a weird ass bun and I have my crooked ass reject glasses on, No make up on and thought…
. . . should I at least put some mascara on?
. . . don’t I need like something?
Then I was like bitch
If I can fucking see at Trader Joes
A old ass man in a faded fucking rainbow tutu with a dirty wife beater pulling his luggage around waving like he is Marilyn Monroe
You wouldn’t know because I do ok being extroverted and making shit about them and not my tired ass
…
I’m a self centered introvert so therefor I like attention on myself
I really love having conversations with people when its about me
Because of the introversion but maybe that’s perversion?
I don’t know….
But yeah
It is 7:46 pm on a Saturday night in Las Vegas
And I’m listening to Celtic Women alone
I’m fucking cool guys
{ramble}…. (listen to the recording above)
Also I want to be a stand up fuckin comedy-ian…. comedeein, comed-ian….. there we go…
I’m so introverted, I’m so alone all the time yet when I’m at work its about them, “What do you want? How can I serve you…”
{ramble….}
I work my fuckin ass off
So here on a Friday nigh before 8pm in my pjs, showered, no makeup, hair looking like a 5 year old with her little side braid, with my Celtic Women, high, cracked out on caffeine
But yeah I’m so introverted and tired of playing extrovert all day
I have to talk to myself because not alot of people want to talk to me about me
Its always about them and I fucking hate that and that’s probably why I just want to be alone
But I got these jokes, I go these rhymes, I got theses fucking verses
I though of something so important to say that I had to do it while showering
AND
B…. because
Today this young girl said “you have a weird voice” {in weird little girl voice}
Literally this young innocent sweet girl who is just being brutally honest, not even coming off mean, just noticing her surroundings and apparently what she noticed was………………………………….. “I have a weird voice”
And then she says “IT’S LIKE A WITCH” {in a cute weird little girl voice}
I think its cute. My pride isn’t hurt…. {no ego or pride hurt here by this sweet innocent honest little girl}
…
I mean yeah
I always kind of thought my voice sounded funny on recordings
But I figure that’s how it is with everybody when you hear your voice
Like some weird matrix shit
So I just thought that was normal and that my voice was normal
…
So now at 34 almost years old
I am starting to wonder if my voice is actually funny
Like haha not wow that was a good joke
but like haha your voice sounds strange
….
So
Here where my confidence part kicked in
I have this conceited thought while in the shower
I thought hey
Its better to hear it from this little girl whos being all cute and sweet
Its better to hear it from her that my voice is “funny” and “sounds like a witch” than from people and my tolls on the internet when I get like
Big and famous
You know and I get trolls and shit
…
One troll one day is going to say to me “your voice sounds funny”
And I am going to be like
Thank you…. little girl
Thank you for that
I really appreciate you bringing that to my attention but uh
Yeah, I think its pretty cool
….
Anyways, that was my thought in the shower
And I knew
I know I was going to forget it
If I didn’t tell it
And
I was like 100% sure that I was going to fuck it up
But uh apparently I didn’t
I think I made it all the way through
And I didn’t you know get side tracked by a squirrel or something
….
Just remember that guys when you tell me my voice sounds funny
I felt the recent 7.1 earthquake in CA all the way in Las Vegas Nevada on Friday July 5th 2019. I am not sure the strength, it felt like to me, maybe a 2.0 but that’s a complete uneducated guess.
Anyways, I felt it. I was sitting on my bed in my apartment which I live in alone with just my annoying ass old fat cat and my goofy toothless blind chihuahua. The bed felt like it was shaking but no animals were on my bed to be a reason for the shaking. I got up and still felt a weird rocking sensation. It’s weird how you can hear this eerie noise when an earthquake is happening. The subtlest of things clattering together and things swinging, etc all make for the quietist yet loud noise.
I started to realize it was and earthquake. A race of thoughts shot through my head…
… Fuck I live alone in a state with no family or friends. I’m basically here alone.
… Fuck I’m single. Have no boyfriend to call, to hold me and tell me it will be ok. That even if this gets bad no matter what I’ll protect you.
… Fuck even the blinds are swinging. Even the fucking blinds are swinging! (That’s a trippy sight to see as someone who is an extremely imaginative girl {me} when extremely anxious and she was indeed anxious in the midsts of a minor earthquake which she was sure was going to break into the worlds next major catastrophic earthquake in history at any second.
… Fuck Fuck Fuck
…Fuck where do I stand. Do I go in a door frame. Do I go outside. The thought to get under a table wasn’t on the option list at the time though I think that is the correct answer but don’t hold me to that bit of info. Who created these rules and regulations anyway?
… Fuck what about the cat and the dog?
… Fuck why is it still going on. How long is this going to go for?
… Fuck Fuck Fuck
… Fuck I’m scared, my hands are shakey I don’t know know what to do. I’m panicking.
… Fuck I want some here right now.
… Fuck am I prepared for the end of civilization like in the walking dead incase this earthquake really is the big one like in movies?
… Fuck who do I call. I need to call someone. I need someone.
… Fuck I have no one
… Fuckin A! I have no family and friends. No boyfriend to call. No Bffs.
… Fuck this sucks, this is terrifying and depressing on so many levels.
… Well fuck I guess I better just get in child’s pose and try to not pass out from the fear and overthinking
… Oh good I think it stopped
… I’m so shakey and scared. Need to call someone. Do I call the guy I barley just met a week ago?
…No! your crazy and isn’t he Ghosting you?
… Call your brother. Get over the fact that you guys aren’t talking at least he’s family and the only family that lives within less than 10 miles of you let alone 200+ miles out of state. Oh yeah and you aren’t talking to any of them either.
