Drug addict brother

My life has been uprooted and every day has been a struggle for me since my brother showed up at 9pm on Saturday July 24th with dried blood on his teeth, a swollen jaw, barely able to open his mouth, with a face and mind I do not recognize. He has been living in a very dark and dangerous world I know nothing about and it breaks my heart.

I am an extremely deep feeling person and have been left alone from the only family I have. I cry every day and have constant headaches from it. I am not able to sleep, I’m full of anxiety and find myself slipping into a deep depression. I am nauseous, hardly able to eat, down 5 pounds in 3 days.

I have not heard from my brother since and I do not know if I ever will. I feel as though his death is coming, if it has not already. I have his dog now, along with my senior medically challenged cat and dog in my 1 bedroom apartment with not much help or support . They get along fine, although cramped. Most tell me to get rid of my brothers dog but this was my dads dog too. My dad who passed away 3 years ago yesterday. This dog is family. This dog is sweet and grieving just like me and I cannot turn my back on him when I know what it feels like. This dog may be the last gift and connection to my brother. I get so lonely and depressed at night and my brothers pit bull is the only one there I can hug that feels almost like a person.


…. “I don’t get why I have insomnia because I’m up before everyone else I know. . . but I’m also the last one to go to bed” ….

…. “I don’t know, I’ve been doing fine, but I keep trying for 8 hours and I never get it” ….

…. “I barely sleep 6 hours straight, I’m so light sleeper-y” ….

…. “You took a long a** bath, you should be like ready to go to sleep like a f****** baby” ….

…. “I still can’t f****** sleep” ….

…. “So much thinking, its like building up inside my head. . . And now i have all this f***** energy because I don’t know. . . ” ….

…. “. . .f****** energetic thoughts of things and ideas, philosophies . . .{I sound like a crack head}” ….

“It sucks that I now am just so lonely and wound up that I have to talk to a phone [recorder]” ….

…. “I just want to sleep though, I almost take Benadryl every night. . . It’s so bad but it doesn’t even help, mostly, I think, I don’t know. . .” ….

…. “So that’s my rant on my insomnia. . . Kinda down but with like an energy that’s up because I feel cracked out. . . {it’s that f****** matcha latte that i had too late in the day. . . and . . . I’m high}” ….