Pandemic Hairstylist

So… Working as the bottom of the barrel hairstylist at a chain salon…. for over a year now during a pandemic has been fucking shitty…

Ya know… You’re getting people that are… like ass holes… they think they are entitled… they think they are something…cuz… just… the… yeah… {???} they think they are something…

And they think they are going to like, a world famous barber… and they are gonna get the world famous fucking fade…and they are gonna… they are paying so much cuz its $19.50…

Nineteen dollars and fifty cents…. just…. its so expensive… they need the fucking… the worlds best barbers fade…

And uh… they need it right now…

Like… don’t make me wait… NO I need my haircut now…

I know I didn’t have an appointment and I know its 2020 and I know I’m supposed to wear a mask… but NO…. I aint wearing no fucking mask… and I aint making no appointments… This is the time I want right now…

I’m like NO… HONEY…. We booked… don’t cha know we are in the fucking middle of a pandemic… no one wants to work… we only got 2 stylists working… we are already booked honey…

We can do 5:30! Can you do 5:30???

No… theses mother fuckers are ass holes coming in here wanting their haircuts asap… they are expecting to get the world class barber and they are already complaining about the $19 dollar fucking charge…

Like… Oh my god… this dude today… he just stopped me in the parking lot and he is like…

YO… was that girl… who was cutting my hair… was she new….

And I was just like…

I really really wanted to say…

Dude…what the fuck do you expect. You didn’t request anybody… your coming to a… a chain salon… in the middle of a pandemic….when vdnobody wants to work… you think your gonna get fucking Vidal Sassoons barber… honey NO… you gonna get the girl fresh out of beauty school…who IS working and she is really fucking sweet and she needs a lot of training and we are working on it with her…. Like chill fucker… you didn’t go Vidal Sassoon… this is a chain salon… remember… and you didn’t request nobody… yeah, you got the new girl… shut the fuck up…

Like get out of here…

But uh… yeah… I’m getting yelled at… today I got yelled at 3 times…

Theses people… 2 of them were old men….

The first dude…maybe he wasn’t that old…. But… he’s old… umm… this dude walks in…and uh… says uh yeah I got an appointment….

And I’m like… I’m in the middle of a color… I’m blocked out for 2 hours…its definitely not with me… and uh its not with the other girl…she is already working on hers…

so I’m like you know…

A… I don’t see you here… uh…

And he goes oh shit… that was with… you know the other competitor… the other cheaper competitor… you know… shit… I booked it over there… and then he is like I’ll just get it here…

And I was like… ok… well… I’m in the middle of a color… she’s just working on her client… we can take you RIGHT after…

Like that is fucking rare… that’s gold… he should be thanking his lucky star we can get him in next…

And this mother fucker walks out… pissed the fuck off… I don’t know what the fuck he was pissed about…

But that’s… that’s how I start my day… and that’s how I start almost everyday…

And then the next dude who walks in… older…more angry…

{laughs/ fart sound from {for the record} rocks rolling in tub} 😂

So this fucker walks in… I’m like how can I help you?

I’m doing my sweet voice cuz I know theses people are already… mother fucking angry… so I’m just… HI! How can I help you?

You know…

I didn’t say do you have an appointment… {that is the rude way to welcome someone walking into the salon}… I said how can I help you? Theses mother fuckers…. “Uh… yeah I need a fucking HAIRCUT”…

Sooo….. uh… then… I’m like…. Ohhhhh…. Okkkkk…..uh…. We can totally get you in right after this… and so he goes… he sits down… and I said ok… can I have your uh… your name or your phone number… and this guy… he goes off on me now… this dude is pissed…. He goes… Why the fuck does everybody got to know my name and ask for my number…

And I said… sir… if we don’t put you in here… someone is gonna book your appointment online and we don’t want that now do we… so can I get a name… he just gives me his first name… and I get it… I’m like ok I’m not pushing this idiot… I get it… he thinks he’s like… people want his number… like… and his name… but he doesn’t know… nobody fucking wants anything of his…No…we know you got nothing… so… your not that important…

But uh… so I just put his first name in… and I put refused as the last name…no fucking phone number… but um… he’s like… {???}

I’m telling him… oh also… just in case you ever want to know who cut your hair… if you like them and you don’t remember… we can look that up by your name… and also… if you have a certain haircut that you like we put that in there so we know your haircut next time… better service…

So this mother fucker… is just a piece of shit idiot ass hole dick… but he sits down… he actually took the appointment tho…

And then the next and 3rd final person to go off on me today… was uh… this lady… and she has no mask on… ok… cool… but like… the state just updated the mandates that we all are supposed to be wearing a mask and I’m working for a chain salon that has rules and regulations… ok… and she just thinks like… she is going off…

What the fuck {???}… this is such bull shit… and then she goes ahead and uh… another guy comes in with his son…and she is just like…“First they tell us to get vaccinated and now we got to fucking put pur mask back on…

Yes… like no one said a fucking word after she did that little bitch fit… it was crickets…cricket in the salon…so I think she felt… I hope she felt like a fucking idiot… and that bitch did put her mask on and she kept in on the whole time… but mind you I now am working on her daughter… for 2.5 hours I worked on her daughter… the daughter is so happy… smiling… taking pictures….and this fucking bitch mom gave me a $2 tip…

Like…. Fuck… this…

Anyone who wants to go work in a chain salon with cheap ass salon clients in the middle of a pandemic….

Just don’t… people are fucking ass holes… they are impatient… they are rude… they think they are fucking entitled… NO… please save yourself…

Check out my podcast | Sami Rants

Hey guys check out my podcast called Sami Rants where most podcasts are spewed.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1519597

Lesson from a old man in a tutu at trader joes

ranted this morning

So this one day…. meaning right now…. I uh…

I was doing my hair and makeup, I was high

Um Its ok, I had the day off

I was like what makeup should I do? What hair should I do?

And I was like what the fuck

It’s my day off

And why do I even have to do my hair or make up

So I just put it in this messy ass bun since I don’t need my hair looking great

I really wish I could just take my hair off, have a shaved head or something

But I don’t so I put it in a bun on the top of my head and I get all the hair off my neck and shoulders so it at least feels like I don’t have any hair

Except it feels like something is squeezing my head which is really annoying but I guess its the price I pay for not shaving my head

Anyway I put my hair in a weird ass bun and I have my crooked ass reject glasses on, No make up on and thought…

. . . should I at least put some mascara on?

. . . don’t I need like something?

Then I was like bitch

If I can fucking see at Trader Joes

A old ass man in a faded fucking rainbow tutu with a dirty wife beater pulling his luggage around waving like he is Marilyn Monroe

Yeah…I saw that the other day at Trader Joes

If I can see that

Surely,

Fucking surely,

I can walk out of the house with my hair in a bun

No makeup on

Not even mascara

Surely, I can do that

So that’s what I am going to do today

Sex today is sad

Girl realizes she just met a guy

She barely knows him

Jumps in bed with said guy and puts his junk inside her

They have never even spent 1 hour cuddling

or…

Never saw each other naked before

or…

Had a moment where they loved each other

and…

Never thought about having a life with each other… out of love NOT lust

They have never even had breakfast together…

Saw a sunrise together…

Gone on a hike together…

Discovered a new thing together…

Or just done couples things….

BUT NOW….

Now they have had sex

Two complete strangers have had sex

Before they ever get to know one another really

Now that they have had sex

Sex is on the mind

So uh…

You just don’t get to know people in the same way as if you never had sex with them

You know what I’m saying?…

Celtic Women Rant

So I am an old soul yet I look super young

24 year olds think they are older than me

I’m 33…

…{…ramble…}…

…So technically I have and old soul

I like oldies and all that stuff

…{…ramble…}…

…so what type of music do you think I like?

I like fricken Celtic Women shit

And i’m an introvert

You wouldn’t know it

My thought are about me

My actions are about me

Introversion

I’m straight up interested in me

….

People always think I have energy

Im tired as fuck all the time

You wouldn’t know because I do ok being extroverted and making shit about them and not my tired ass

I’m a self centered introvert so therefor I like attention on myself

I really love having conversations with people when its about me

Because of the introversion but maybe that’s perversion?

I don’t know….

But yeah

It is 7:46 pm on a Saturday night in Las Vegas

And I’m listening to Celtic Women alone

I’m fucking cool guys

{ramble}…. (listen to the recording above)

Also I want to be a stand up fuckin comedy-ian…. comedeein, comed-ian….. there we go…

I’m so introverted, I’m so alone all the time yet when I’m at work its about them, “What do you want? How can I serve you…”

{ramble….}

I work my fuckin ass off

So here on a Friday nigh before 8pm in my pjs, showered, no makeup, hair looking like a 5 year old with her little side braid, with my Celtic Women, high, cracked out on caffeine

But yeah I’m so introverted and tired of playing extrovert all day

I have to talk to myself because not alot of people want to talk to me about me

Its always about them and I fucking hate that and that’s probably why I just want to be alone

But I got these jokes, I go these rhymes, I got theses fucking verses

I want to get out off my chest

So here you are

ramble…………

Dick size doesn’t matter

So… size is not important to me

I have had guys with big dicks that just hurt

I have had a guy with a big skinny dick I could hardly feel

…{ramble}…

I had a guy with a big dick who couldn’t stay hard

I had a guy with a big dick who couldn’t last long

My point is…

Big dicks are more disappointing than not big dicks

To be honest

So….

It’s not about the fucking size

It’s about the connection

And…

We all know its about the clitoris

You don’t need a big dick for the clitoris…

True Love {for my cat}

True love is when you hate them

When they annoy the fuck out of you

When you wish you didn’t have them

Because they make things harder

But…

You could never

Ever…

Think about leaving them

Really…

And that is how I feel for my cat

To be fair

I’m sure she feels the same

I know she has hated me at times

I know I have annoyed her at times

But…

I know she loves me….