All I want in a relationship

…. “If it sounds like I’m peeing. . . . I’M NOT” ….

…. “I’m just brewing some tea . . . So don’t get on my case about that” ….

…. “After a long day at work and standing . . . My f****** feet, ankles, knees, back, arms, everything just hurts” …. 

…. “So all I want is just someone who’s gonna rub my feet and head and everything in between” …. 

…. “And um. . . Cuddle and not say a word” ….

…. “Like that’s all I want in life, and if I ain’t getting that from someone why the f*** am I in a relationship with you?” ….

No one is screwing me over anymore

…. “I definitely wasn’t always the person who didn’t give a s*** about anything or what people do, say or think about me” ….

…. “I was definitely the opposite of that for the majority of my life” ….

…. “And unfortunately it was like my last {kind of} relationship, if you want to call it that, that uh really made me snap and just say f*** it ” ….

…. “I’m so f****** done!” ….

…. “Because. . .like. . .this m***** f***** like assaulted me and manipulated me” ….

…. “It was so fucking bad and I didn’t even know it till like a few weeks in what the f*** was going on and what had happened actually ” ….

…. “I was so f****** like freaked out and like what the f***?! How did this happen? ” ….

…. “And um, like I’m trying to get rid of this m***** f***** and trying to be nice about it” ….

…. “I realize, like yeah, me being nice and trying not to hurt other people was reallly really f****** me over” ….

…. “And finally I had to tell this m***** f*****, don’t f***** contact me” ….

…. “And it was like weird, it was super hard and strange and it felt good” ….

…. “It felt so f****** good that like I really just snapped into this other side of it where I’m like f*** that feels good to just not give a f***” ….

 …. “I’m not taking care of your feelings anymore its time to take care of my feeling” ….

…. “I’m still a good person. . . . But. . . No one is f****** me over anymore” ….

Getting good at being yelled at

…. “Just waking up” ….

…. “I’m up, I’m up, I’m up, I’m up” ….

…. “I just was thinking” ….

…. “Going down memory lane and how I used to just be this different person that . . . um couldn’t handle stress” ….

…. “I was like terrified of everything, Everything!” …. 

…. “I needed to be institutionalized, I mean I might still need to be institutionalized but whatever I’m happy” ….

…. “Back then I wasn’t happy and I was fucked up. . . or in a different way and um. . .” ….

…. “Im just like wow I’ve come so fucking far” ….

…. “I’m so like spiritual and awakened you know, like. . .” ….

…. “When theses m***** f****** are b******* and moaning at me” ….

…. “I don’t even f****** bat and eyelash” ….

…. “I know, I’m like in my head {I know this m***** f***** is having a bad day}” ….

…. “Whatever, something ain’t right, it has absolutely nothing to do with me” ….

…. “They are just sick of all the rules and changes in life and all the other drama in their life” ….

…. “So they are taking this s*** out on me” ….

…. “I realize this, I realize this” ….

…. “I just sit there and let them go on their little hissy fits” …. 

…. “It’s the best f***** thing to do because these m***** f****** shut up and end up apologizing to me cuz they realize how f****** dumb they are!” …. 

….{Side story rant}….

…. “Mind you, I’m in the middle of a f****** haircut right now!” …. 

…. “So I tell this mother f*****. . .” ….

…. “So this guy keeps going off and saying some bull s***” ….

…. “Yes, I was shaky, I was reeling, reeling, reeling” …. 

…. “I wasn’t about to meet that fool with his energy” ….

…. “I hear this mother f***** say {it’s a real hostile environment in here, isn’t it?}” ….

…. “I’m not giving that f****** idiot any time of day right now” ….

…. “He is on a different plane and I don’t want to get on that one” ….

…. “I guess apparently he apologized to the stylists. . .” ….

…. “Awesome sweet” ….

I regret almost all the people I’ve slept with

…. “I’ve had a lot of bad sexual experiences in my life and you can pretty much start at the beginning” ….

…. “Let’s say like junior high school days already off to a bad bad start” ….

…. “Let’s just say I don’t remember anyone teaching me about the birds and the bees or about self worth or self esteem or like none of that!” ….

…. “I was just trying to think, out of the people I’ve slept with, um sadly I think its more than a few” ….

…. “But what is everyone else’s few?!” ….

…. “There’s not very many that I’ve slept with that I can be like {I’m really happy I slept with that person} and like that’s bad!” ….

…. “That is sooo bad” ….

 …. “Sex is supposed to be a very intimate thing” ….

…. “I don’t just let nobody f****** in my intimate zone” ….

…. “But I mean. . .  I did . . . but like . .  . I didn’t know this” ….

…. “How many of theses guys? {and we said it was sadly more than a few} how many of them do I really NOT regret having sex with?” …. 

…. “At the moment can only think of like 1 *maybe, kinda, sorta*” …. 

…. “It’s blowing my mind that it is so close to zero out of the “few you know more than a few” guys I’ve slept with and that’s really fucked up” …. 

…. “That’s why I’m fucked up” ….

…. “Like I’ve become this person who really is like craving that intimacy but like just having sex with someone isn’t how I get thate intimacy. . . . . . . . . . . I’ve just realized” ….

…. “Like everyone of those fucking dudes that I regret having sex with which is majority, umm, did I get that intimacy” ….

…. “Like noooo” …. {laughs}

…. “I just ended up. . . like. . . got invaded. . . like no. . . they just invaded me. . . like I wasn’t f****** ready. . . I didn’t know who they are, were, is!” …. 

…. “But I didn’t know so much back then. . . I was so young” ….

…. “I just wanted love. . . I just wanted attention . . . I wanted affection. . . and um that’s how I didn’t get it” …. {laughs}

…. “But I thought I was gonna get it that way” …. 

…. “It didn’t work very well” …. 

Talking honestly to the spy cams

…. “I’m learning to be so openly honest and just like, I’m not trying to be mean, I definitely come off as nice as possible but I say the truth with no f***** in a nice way!” ….

…. “. . . I know because I am the manager that there are cameras that are listening to us” ….

…. “I’m like you know what? {I f****** love this}” ….

…. “I’m gonna be f****** honest {in the nice way}” ….

…. “I f****** hope they hear it! I DO!” ….

…. “These m****** f****** need to hear this shit” ….

I’m good at being ghosted

…. “I am like the best person for somebody to ghost” ….

…. “I run the other way…. I don’t run to the god damn ghost” ….

…. “I’m not gonna fight for your attention” ….

…. “I was trying to pull this s*** out of this m***** f*****” ….

…. “I need to feel like you want to be a part of my life” ….

…. “I don’t want to play that game…. mmmm mm” ….

…. “I’m like peace m***** f*****! I’M OUT” ….

New Tattoo

…. “It was so intuitive what I wanted” ….

…. “so far . . . 2 people are like {what are those lines mean/ what do those bands mean?}” ….

…. “I’m like WTF” ….

…. “Is this going to be the question I get asked for the rest of my life?” …..

…. “{WHAT DO THOSE BANDS MEAN!?}” ….

…. “They mean absolutely nothing except that I liked them” ….

…. “Why do they got to mean s***” ….

…. “What do I do? {Do I make us some f****** awesome story}” ….

…. “Or I could just be like . . .  {They look pretty}” ….

Most stable mentally unstable person

…. “{laughs}” ….

…. “If you think I’m crazy, I get it” ….

…. “The thing is I was normal, I was uptight, life sucked for me just like t sucks for you” …..

…. “It sucked so f****** bad I wanted to die, It was so painful I wanted to die” ….

…. “It broke me” ….

…. “I had to glue myself back together and I had a little fun gluing myself back so you know what I like this version of me better” ….

…. “The Picasso me” ….

…. “F*** society and that old version of me. F*** that one” …. 

Antiquing my tattoo

…. “Got a new tattoo. . . I’m definitely, probably not taking care of it right” ….

…. “f*** I can’t just like leave this bath water sitting on my tattoo” ….

…. “How do I care for this but also I’m gonna stay in this m***** f****** bath” ….

…. “. . . It look like made with chalk and its just gonna wash off” ….

…. “Rough around the edges or something, like me” ….

…. “If this shit f***** heals and scabs and the ink doesn’t stay some in some spots cuz I was bad . . . You know what. . . I don’t care” ….

…. “like, that’s like I just antiqued my tattoo” ….

…. “I’m just patina-ing my tattoo” ….

…. “I might like it better” …. 

Why do I want to be a comedian?

…. “I liked it. I liked the comedy of it, the sad dark humor of it and I think that’s probably cuz I have this sad dark humor” ….

…. “Where the f*** ever did think I want to be a stand up comedian?” ….

…. “I never was the person that was in the theater program who liked improve acting, I’m not that person” ….

…. “Why do I do what I do?” …. 

…. “Obviously not making money type thing” ….

…. “I just do it cuz its a way to fill my time and uh, be creative” ….

…. “I have not many people to talk to cuz I live alone and I’m a introverted type person” ….

…. “I don’t like this small talk shit” ….

…. “I don’t know what I was talking about actually” {laughs} ….