Oils & Rocks

“I bought every crystal…

every aromatherapy essential oil…

Tarot cards…

vitamins…

….trying to clear my bad juju.

I don’t think it’s working…

If it is working!?…

…Man…

If this is the best damn outcome because my life was that fucking shitty and all of those oils and rocks actually helped and then this is the fucking holy grail here…

….then damn I don’t even know what to say, but damn; “

Earthquake

I felt the recent 7.1 earthquake in CA all the way in Las Vegas Nevada on Friday July 5th 2019. I am not sure the strength, it felt like to me, maybe a 2.0 but that’s a complete uneducated guess.

Anyways, I felt it. I was sitting on my bed in my apartment which I live in alone with just my annoying ass old fat cat and my goofy toothless blind chihuahua. The bed felt like it was shaking but no animals were on my bed to be a reason for the shaking. I got up and still felt a weird rocking sensation. It’s weird how you can hear this eerie noise when an earthquake is happening. The subtlest of things clattering together and things swinging, etc all make for the quietist yet loud noise.

I started to realize it was and earthquake. A race of thoughts shot through my head…

… Fuck I live alone in a state with no family or friends. I’m basically here alone.

… Fuck I’m single. Have no boyfriend to call, to hold me and tell me it will be ok. That even if this gets bad no matter what I’ll protect you.

… Fuck even the blinds are swinging. Even the fucking blinds are swinging! (That’s a trippy sight to see as someone who is an extremely imaginative girl {me} when extremely anxious and she was indeed anxious in the midsts of a minor earthquake which she was sure was going to break into the worlds next major catastrophic earthquake in history at any second.

… Fuck Fuck Fuck

…Fuck where do I stand. Do I go in a door frame. Do I go outside. The thought to get under a table wasn’t on the option list at the time though I think that is the correct answer but don’t hold me to that bit of info. Who created these rules and regulations anyway?

… Fuck what about the cat and the dog?

… Fuck why is it still going on. How long is this going to go for?

… Fuck Fuck Fuck

… Fuck I’m scared, my hands are shakey I don’t know know what to do. I’m panicking.

… Fuck I want some here right now.

… Fuck am I prepared for the end of civilization like in the walking dead incase this earthquake really is the big one like in movies?

… Fuck who do I call. I need to call someone. I need someone.

… Fuck I have no one

… Fuckin A! I have no family and friends. No boyfriend to call. No Bffs.

… Fuck this sucks, this is terrifying and depressing on so many levels.

… Well fuck I guess I better just get in child’s pose and try to not pass out from the fear and overthinking

… Oh good I think it stopped

… I’m so shakey and scared. Need to call someone. Do I call the guy I barley just met a week ago?

…No! your crazy and isn’t he Ghosting you?

… Call your brother. Get over the fact that you guys aren’t talking at least he’s family and the only family that lives within less than 10 miles of you let alone 200+ miles out of state. Oh yeah and you aren’t talking to any of them either.

… Fuck he didn’t answer

… Fuck Samantha. How did you get here?

Fuck Fuckboys


No!

I do not want to have some “fun” with you.

I haven’t even met you.

Your cock is not some prized possession to me and your skills I’m sure will leave much to be desired.

I can fuck myself better than you ever will.

To hook up with you early on would be only to your pleasure.

I’m not down for pleasuring some guy I don’t even know if I can even stand as a person.

If you want me you have to prove you’re interested in more than just my body parts and looks.

I’m not looking for a sex partner.

I’m looking for my best friend.

Someone who will be there for me through thick and thin.

Comfort me in times of need.

Challenge me to be stronger.

Be my muse.

Inspire me.

Teach me new things.

Explore the unknown with me.

Let me into your world.

Show me a possible and grand future with you.

And I’ll do the same for you.

Only then (if we’re on the same page) may I be able to actually enjoy having sex with you.

Till then don’t even try to kiss me or ask me for a kiss.

Why not try to be so amazing I can’t help but ask {YOU} for a kiss…