All I want in a relationship

…. “If it sounds like I’m peeing. . . . I’M NOT” ….

…. “I’m just brewing some tea . . . So don’t get on my case about that” ….

…. “After a long day at work and standing . . . My f****** feet, ankles, knees, back, arms, everything just hurts” …. 

…. “So all I want is just someone who’s gonna rub my feet and head and everything in between” …. 

…. “And um. . . Cuddle and not say a word” ….

…. “Like that’s all I want in life, and if I ain’t getting that from someone why the f*** am I in a relationship with you?” ….

No one is screwing me over anymore

…. “I definitely wasn’t always the person who didn’t give a s*** about anything or what people do, say or think about me” ….

…. “I was definitely the opposite of that for the majority of my life” ….

…. “And unfortunately it was like my last {kind of} relationship, if you want to call it that, that uh really made me snap and just say f*** it ” ….

…. “I’m so f****** done!” ….

…. “Because. . .like. . .this m***** f***** like assaulted me and manipulated me” ….

…. “It was so fucking bad and I didn’t even know it till like a few weeks in what the f*** was going on and what had happened actually ” ….

…. “I was so f****** like freaked out and like what the f***?! How did this happen? ” ….

…. “And um, like I’m trying to get rid of this m***** f***** and trying to be nice about it” ….

…. “I realize, like yeah, me being nice and trying not to hurt other people was reallly really f****** me over” ….

…. “And finally I had to tell this m***** f*****, don’t f***** contact me” ….

…. “And it was like weird, it was super hard and strange and it felt good” ….

…. “It felt so f****** good that like I really just snapped into this other side of it where I’m like f*** that feels good to just not give a f***” ….

 …. “I’m not taking care of your feelings anymore its time to take care of my feeling” ….

…. “I’m still a good person. . . . But. . . No one is f****** me over anymore” ….

Cast Iron Love

…. “Real love is like having a really well cared for cast iron pan” ….

…. “You got to care for it and season that m****** f*****” ….

…. “. . . .you got to cook with it, you got to throw some oil in it {some extra love into the pan}” ….

…. “You got to keep putting love and attention into this cast iron pan and then you cook an egg and its f*** beautiful!” ….

…. “Nothing sticks to it, It is like a beautiful love” ….

…. “But guess what your done cooking and you gotta like still care for that m******f******” ….

…. “I’m just scrubbing it for whatever reason. . . I’m just giving it more f**** love so its gonna keep working for me” ….

…. “But this whole time I’m like making love to this m***** f******* cast iron pan” ….

…. “I’m taking care of it and you know what its taking care of me” ….

Check out my podcast | Sami Rants

Hey guys check out my podcast called Sami Rants where most podcasts are spewed.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1519597

Fall so hard in love with me

11/7/2020 part 1
11/7/2020 part 2

{PART 1}

I want someone to….

….fall in love with me so fucking hard….

*BEFORE* they sleep with me….

….BEFORE they even had their fucking first kiss with me

Because if you haven’t fallen in love with me so fucking hard….

*BEFORE* you kiss me….

You don’t deserve to kiss me…

…OK

And also…. {Ramble, ramble, ramble, listen to the audio}

{PART 2}

I want you to fall in love with me so fucking hard…

*BEFORE* we have sex…

…So I know you love me for not just the sex…

OK

I need you to love me for the non sexual reasons…

…and that way I know…

….that you will never try to sleep with somebody else…

…because you’re so in love with all the other shit about me…

…I need you to be aware of the non sexual things….

If that makes any sense….

So when you look at these other girls…

….and they’re hotter than me…

….you’re gonna be like….. NO!!!

“But Sams got {THIS} and {THAT} and no ones got that and I fell in love with {THAT}….”

Thats when….

….maybe….

….. I’ll fall in love you…

Friends First

October 31st 2020

Only….

….if we can have a friendship last six months…

….without any intimacy….

…for six fucking months…

…without having sex…

Will I consider dating you

If we can make it six months and sex isn’t a thing tying us together…

…then maybe we have a shot at a real relationship…

Sex today is sad

Girl realizes she just met a guy

She barely knows him

Jumps in bed with said guy and puts his junk inside her

They have never even spent 1 hour cuddling

or…

Never saw each other naked before

or…

Had a moment where they loved each other

and…

Never thought about having a life with each other… out of love NOT lust

They have never even had breakfast together…

Saw a sunrise together…

Gone on a hike together…

Discovered a new thing together…

Or just done couples things….

BUT NOW….

Now they have had sex

Two complete strangers have had sex

Before they ever get to know one another really

Now that they have had sex

Sex is on the mind

So uh…

You just don’t get to know people in the same way as if you never had sex with them

You know what I’m saying?…

Dick size doesn’t matter

So… size is not important to me

I have had guys with big dicks that just hurt

I have had a guy with a big skinny dick I could hardly feel

…{ramble}…

I had a guy with a big dick who couldn’t stay hard

I had a guy with a big dick who couldn’t last long

My point is…

Big dicks are more disappointing than not big dicks

To be honest

So….

It’s not about the fucking size

It’s about the connection

And…

We all know its about the clitoris

You don’t need a big dick for the clitoris…

True Love {for my cat}

True love is when you hate them

When they annoy the fuck out of you

When you wish you didn’t have them

Because they make things harder

But…

You could never

Ever…

Think about leaving them

Really…

And that is how I feel for my cat

To be fair

I’m sure she feels the same

I know she has hated me at times

I know I have annoyed her at times

But…

I know she loves me….

Screw your categories, I am who I am

The good stuff starts around 1:58 but to keep this recording unedited (mostly due to less work for me) I left the beginning mumbo jumbo in there.

I fucking hate politics

I refuse to learn them

I don’t know right wing vs left wing

Republican vs democrat

Liberal vs conservative

I have no fucking clue

Trying to figure that shit out is like the scene from “a beautiful mind”

I don’t give a fuck

Feminism…. fuck….

I don’t know what that is either

I don’t know if that means you are about having a guy be a gentleman or if your about “I can do it myself and I don’t need a man”

I think it’s the latter?

I think I’m the latter

I don’t like labels though

I am what I fucking am

You cannot check off any boxes and have me line up on the right side, left side, the middle, whatever

I am on a different fucking level

I ain’t even on the same plane as your charts

I’m 2 steps to the right and 5 steps up and a step diagonal

That’s where I am

I’m not on your Richter scale

Even white vs black

Even that

I just feel like

We are all fucking human

That’s my belief

That’s my side

Fuck categories

In relationships theses days why do we have to figure out within 3 dates if something is going to happen or not

Why are we trying to categorize our relationships from day one. Trying to put a fucking label on it.

Why can’t we just see what it fucking becomes instead of trying to make it something that it’s not.

Yet too often we sleep with someone or kiss someone before we even know them.

We don’t even know if in one month they will even be someone we can stand as a person. Yet we fucking kissed (or whatevered) them too fucking soon.