Love at first sight isn’t true love

October 5th 2020

It may have been love at first sight for you

But you will never know if it’s true love till some time passes

Till you have been through some struggles

Till you have hated that person yet you still cant live with out them

That’s when you know its true love

Just cuz it was love at first sight doesn’t mean its true love

That’s just fucking infatuation

Stop fucking infatuating yourself with strangers and trying to stick your dick in them

Thank you

Cam-girl room decorating abilities mishap

February 25th 2020

There is a lady out in the world right now who is very pissed at me for criticizing her cam-girl room decorating abilities

Let me rewind a little bit and give you an introduction into how this all came about

I believe in not saying bad things about yourself so as not to cement that shit in let me just tell the universe right now….. “please don’t really make me a broke ass bitch”

But like, maybe I am a broke ass bitch

I was a hairstylist for 8+ years and when I moved states and lost all my clients

I became a hairstylist with no clients to pay the bills

So basically I am a failed hairstylist, running out of money, 33 years old, no boyfriend or husband……. or sugar daddy

I have zero money coming in

All I want is like a mediocre fucking life which is like being rich to me

I just want to have a Spotify account where I can skip as many times as I want and not have to listen to commercials

Like that is rich to me!…. I want to be that rich

I just want to be able to live alone and not have messy ass roommates

I want to be able to walk around naked because I hate the feel of clothes

I want to be that rich….

So basically like middle class mediocre rich and I am not doing so good at that

I’m more like high schooler rich but with no parents taking care of me

So that’s not good…. I’m actually worse off than a high schooler

So…. uh…. yeah…..

I was desperate and decided that I should… Since I have no other skills and I am failing at doing hair because I have no clients and no jobs want to hire someone who has been a self employed hairstylists for 8+ years with no other expierence (in their eyes) And the ones that will hire me wont pay the money I need to be mediocre rich and live alone in a shitty apartment….

….so I thought… why not try porn . . . . .

But, I don’t want to let just any douche bags in me or like ass holes or pricks.

But thought maybe…. I can make some money doing cam girl shit

After brief and shitty research I was under the impression I would be able to make like five hundred a day and have sooo many followers in no time

Like right out the gate

I thought about it, I tried it and ugh….

I made thirty five dollars or something and did like 5 hours total

So that sucked….

I can twiddle my twat alone if I am not getting money for it

I could be doing other things that I want to do

But there I was trying to make money but got only the free loaders

Those few hours I put in already got me burnt out

That was 5 hours of my life and I thought I was going to make like a hundred dollars an hour

I felt like I should have had like five hundred dollars by then even though I knew it was going to take time to build a paying audience

The real thing that turned me off to it was

….this uh…

This mother fucker, fucking scammed me

I’m an idiot!

This mother fucker was in my cam room and man, I should have know better….

. . . . he messaged me on my twitter…. he messaged me on my instagram…. AND on my mother fucking email…

Asking how much for a 30 minute skype show

Then while I was live on my cam site he messaged me on Instagram again!!!

He couldn’t even message me on my cam site chat because he obviously had no tokens to message me and I had it set to only people with the tokens {money to spend} can message me…. I don’t want to talk to free loaders

I should have known right then and there when this mother fucker is messaging me on Instagram and all the other place EXCEPT the live cam room…

… but I am dumb

So he was going thru my amazon Wishlist and said he was going to buy the $200 hard drive I needed/ wanted for my photography

He was DMing me on Instagram this while I was live

I was like damn….. yeah…. ChaChing!$!$!$!

Sure i’ll do two, thirty minute private skype sessions for that

I told the mother fucker to wait till I was done with my live, with my 3 fans who never tipped me

He then had the audacity to say “its not like your making any money”…. {that piece of shit}

But I was also like “he’s right, fuck it lets get a two hundred dollar hard drive”

So he took me away from my cam show where I might have made three cents or something

But this bitch, this fucking ass hole, piece of shit, mother fucker, scum bag, douche bag, prick got me on a mother fucking skype cuz I got all turnt up for the hard drive and I did a thirty minute with him and I did another 30 minute with him the next day

But he was scamming me!!!!

I don’t even want to go into all the details

That’s a story of its own, it is depressing but its fucking gold and it could help people and maybe give me some money too and you know I am a broke ass bitch {universe cover your ears}

But…. yeah…. so any way that was my first attempt at cam girl-ing

I continue to work at my shitty ass part time retail job {universe don’t hear that either}

So shits getting real again. I got a month to figure out that I can’t live in the apartment that I’m living alone in and I need to get a roommate and blah blah blah and my jobs a piece of shit because I can’t even afford to live in the apartment that I’m living in…..

. . . . . . yada yada yada

So I hit the job boards and I see this cam girl shit again!

But this time it’s a fucking craigslist ad and claims it’s the #1 cam studio in the area

So I was like “wow!” maybe they got viewers and better traffic and algorithms and what not

So I messaged them and they were quick to get back to me

I go to check out this studio to be like a professional cam girl with the studio feeding me the viewers etc.

I get there and its a sketchy part of town the building is unmarked

I thought I was going to get inside and it was going to be like men in black. Like covert on the outside and beautiful on the inside. Because the craigslist ad said #1 cam studio

So… I walk in and this shit is dark and just broke fucking down in there

The girl I have the meeting/ interview with, she is just real odd

Bitch just like straight up starts signing me up for their site, sight unseen and my dumb ass went with it cuz she was freaky and clearly special needs and I didn’t want to be mean to the special needs person

She was older, it was hard to tell how old cuz her personality was like that of a 12 year old

Yet again that’s another story for another time….

This story is about how I pissed this lady off

She show me 2 rooms after filling out paperwork and one room isn’t even private its got a curtain so anyone going to the next room is going to see and hear my fake moaning

The rooms looks like meth head rooms. They are nasty as fuck and she is sadly so proud of them because she decorated them herself

They looked like dirty ass, fucking dingy, dark preteen rooms….

. . . eew …. I don’t want……. that’s not my fucking look

I’m like a modern classy harlot type

So I leave the place and she keeps texting me about my pending account etc.

I, in the nicest way tell her that the 2 rooms I saw were not my style and wanted to see pics of the other rooms, that I want a more modern, minimalistic and bright room

And she is sooooo offended and goes off on me

I tried to be super nice and actually even offered to help spruce the rooms up

I clearly struck a nerve with her

She quickly replied showing how un-fit she is to be an adult or a professional

Apparently she did wonders with that place…..

Sex today is sad

Girl realizes she just met a guy

She barely knows him

Jumps in bed with said guy and puts his junk inside her

They have never even spent 1 hour cuddling

or…

Never saw each other naked before

or…

Had a moment where they loved each other

and…

Never thought about having a life with each other… out of love NOT lust

They have never even had breakfast together…

Saw a sunrise together…

Gone on a hike together…

Discovered a new thing together…

Or just done couples things….

BUT NOW….

Now they have had sex

Two complete strangers have had sex

Before they ever get to know one another really

Now that they have had sex

Sex is on the mind

So uh…

You just don’t get to know people in the same way as if you never had sex with them

You know what I’m saying?…

Dick size doesn’t matter

So… size is not important to me

I have had guys with big dicks that just hurt

I have had a guy with a big skinny dick I could hardly feel

…{ramble}…

I had a guy with a big dick who couldn’t stay hard

I had a guy with a big dick who couldn’t last long

My point is…

Big dicks are more disappointing than not big dicks

To be honest

So….

It’s not about the fucking size

It’s about the connection

And…

We all know its about the clitoris

You don’t need a big dick for the clitoris…

True Love {for my cat}

True love is when you hate them

When they annoy the fuck out of you

When you wish you didn’t have them

Because they make things harder

But…

You could never

Ever…

Think about leaving them

Really…

And that is how I feel for my cat

To be fair

I’m sure she feels the same

I know she has hated me at times

I know I have annoyed her at times

But…

I know she loves me….

Politics, feminism, race, and dating

The good stuff starts around 1:58 but to keep this recording unedited (mostly due to less work for me) I left the beginning mumbo jumbo in there.

I fucking hate politics

I refuse to learn them

I don’t know right wing vs left wing

Republican vs democrat

Liberal vs conservative

I have no fucking clue

Trying to figure that shit out is like the scene from “a beautiful mind”

I don’t give a fuck

Feminism…. fuck….

I don’t know what that is either

I don’t know if that means you are about having a guy be a gentleman or if your about “I can do it myself and I don’t need a man”

I think it’s the latter?

I think I’m the latter

I don’t like labels though

I am what I fucking am

You cannot check off any boxes and have me line up on the right side, left side, the middle, whatever

I am on a different fucking level

I ain’t even on the same plane as your charts

I’m 2 steps to the right and 5 steps up and a step diagonal

That’s where I am

I’m not on your Richter scale

Even white vs black

Even that

I just feel like

We are all fucking human

That’s my belief

That’s my side

Fuck categories

In relationships theses days why do we have to figure out within 3 dates if something is going to happen or not

Why are we trying to categorize our relationships from day one. Trying to put a fucking label on it.

Why can’t we just see what it fucking becomes instead of trying to make it something that it’s not.

Yet too often we sleep with someone or kiss someone before we even know them.

We don’t even know if in one month they will even be someone we can stand as a person. Yet we fucking kissed (or whatevered) them too fucking soon.