Pandemic Hairstylist

So… Working as the bottom of the barrel hairstylist at a chain salon…. for over a year now during a pandemic has been fucking shitty…

Ya know… You’re getting people that are… like ass holes… they think they are entitled… they think they are something…cuz… just… the… yeah… {???} they think they are something…

And they think they are going to like, a world famous barber… and they are gonna get the world famous fucking fade…and they are gonna… they are paying so much cuz its $19.50…

Nineteen dollars and fifty cents…. just…. its so expensive… they need the fucking… the worlds best barbers fade…

And uh… they need it right now…

Like… don’t make me wait… NO I need my haircut now…

I know I didn’t have an appointment and I know its 2020 and I know I’m supposed to wear a mask… but NO…. I aint wearing no fucking mask… and I aint making no appointments… This is the time I want right now…

I’m like NO… HONEY…. We booked… don’t cha know we are in the fucking middle of a pandemic… no one wants to work… we only got 2 stylists working… we are already booked honey…

We can do 5:30! Can you do 5:30???

No… theses mother fuckers are ass holes coming in here wanting their haircuts asap… they are expecting to get the world class barber and they are already complaining about the $19 dollar fucking charge…

Like… Oh my god… this dude today… he just stopped me in the parking lot and he is like…

YO… was that girl… who was cutting my hair… was she new….

And I was just like…

I really really wanted to say…

Dude…what the fuck do you expect. You didn’t request anybody… your coming to a… a chain salon… in the middle of a pandemic….when vdnobody wants to work… you think your gonna get fucking Vidal Sassoons barber… honey NO… you gonna get the girl fresh out of beauty school…who IS working and she is really fucking sweet and she needs a lot of training and we are working on it with her…. Like chill fucker… you didn’t go Vidal Sassoon… this is a chain salon… remember… and you didn’t request nobody… yeah, you got the new girl… shut the fuck up…

Like get out of here…

But uh… yeah… I’m getting yelled at… today I got yelled at 3 times…

Theses people… 2 of them were old men….

The first dude…maybe he wasn’t that old…. But… he’s old… umm… this dude walks in…and uh… says uh yeah I got an appointment….

And I’m like… I’m in the middle of a color… I’m blocked out for 2 hours…its definitely not with me… and uh its not with the other girl…she is already working on hers…

so I’m like you know…

A… I don’t see you here… uh…

And he goes oh shit… that was with… you know the other competitor… the other cheaper competitor… you know… shit… I booked it over there… and then he is like I’ll just get it here…

And I was like… ok… well… I’m in the middle of a color… she’s just working on her client… we can take you RIGHT after…

Like that is fucking rare… that’s gold… he should be thanking his lucky star we can get him in next…

And this mother fucker walks out… pissed the fuck off… I don’t know what the fuck he was pissed about…

But that’s… that’s how I start my day… and that’s how I start almost everyday…

And then the next dude who walks in… older…more angry…

{laughs/ fart sound from {for the record} rocks rolling in tub} 😂

So this fucker walks in… I’m like how can I help you?

I’m doing my sweet voice cuz I know theses people are already… mother fucking angry… so I’m just… HI! How can I help you?

You know…

I didn’t say do you have an appointment… {that is the rude way to welcome someone walking into the salon}… I said how can I help you? Theses mother fuckers…. “Uh… yeah I need a fucking HAIRCUT”…

Sooo….. uh… then… I’m like…. Ohhhhh…. Okkkkk…..uh…. We can totally get you in right after this… and so he goes… he sits down… and I said ok… can I have your uh… your name or your phone number… and this guy… he goes off on me now… this dude is pissed…. He goes… Why the fuck does everybody got to know my name and ask for my number…

And I said… sir… if we don’t put you in here… someone is gonna book your appointment online and we don’t want that now do we… so can I get a name… he just gives me his first name… and I get it… I’m like ok I’m not pushing this idiot… I get it… he thinks he’s like… people want his number… like… and his name… but he doesn’t know… nobody fucking wants anything of his…No…we know you got nothing… so… your not that important…

But uh… so I just put his first name in… and I put refused as the last name…no fucking phone number… but um… he’s like… {???}

I’m telling him… oh also… just in case you ever want to know who cut your hair… if you like them and you don’t remember… we can look that up by your name… and also… if you have a certain haircut that you like we put that in there so we know your haircut next time… better service…

So this mother fucker… is just a piece of shit idiot ass hole dick… but he sits down… he actually took the appointment tho…

And then the next and 3rd final person to go off on me today… was uh… this lady… and she has no mask on… ok… cool… but like… the state just updated the mandates that we all are supposed to be wearing a mask and I’m working for a chain salon that has rules and regulations… ok… and she just thinks like… she is going off…

What the fuck {???}… this is such bull shit… and then she goes ahead and uh… another guy comes in with his son…and she is just like…“First they tell us to get vaccinated and now we got to fucking put pur mask back on…

Yes… like no one said a fucking word after she did that little bitch fit… it was crickets…cricket in the salon…so I think she felt… I hope she felt like a fucking idiot… and that bitch did put her mask on and she kept in on the whole time… but mind you I now am working on her daughter… for 2.5 hours I worked on her daughter… the daughter is so happy… smiling… taking pictures….and this fucking bitch mom gave me a $2 tip…

Like…. Fuck… this…

Anyone who wants to go work in a chain salon with cheap ass salon clients in the middle of a pandemic….

Just don’t… people are fucking ass holes… they are impatient… they are rude… they think they are fucking entitled… NO… please save yourself…

Drug addict brother

My life has been uprooted and every day has been a struggle for me since my brother showed up at 9pm on Saturday July 24th with dried blood on his teeth, a swollen jaw, barely able to open his mouth, with a face and mind I do not recognize. He has been living in a very dark and dangerous world I know nothing about and it breaks my heart.

I am an extremely deep feeling person and have been left alone from the only family I have. I cry every day and have constant headaches from it. I am not able to sleep, I’m full of anxiety and find myself slipping into a deep depression. I am nauseous, hardly able to eat, down 5 pounds in 3 days.

I have not heard from my brother since and I do not know if I ever will. I feel as though his death is coming, if it has not already. I have his dog now, along with my senior medically challenged cat and dog in my 1 bedroom apartment with not much help or support . They get along fine, although cramped. Most tell me to get rid of my brothers dog but this was my dads dog too. My dad who passed away 3 years ago yesterday. This dog is family. This dog is sweet and grieving just like me and I cannot turn my back on him when I know what it feels like. This dog may be the last gift and connection to my brother. I get so lonely and depressed at night and my brothers pit bull is the only one there I can hug that feels almost like a person.

Check out my podcast | Sami Rants

Hey guys check out my podcast called Sami Rants where most podcasts are spewed.

Lesson from a old man in a tutu at trader joes

ranted this morning

So this one day…. meaning right now…. I uh…

I was doing my hair and makeup, I was high

Um Its ok, I had the day off

I was like what makeup should I do? What hair should I do?

And I was like what the fuck

It’s my day off

And why do I even have to do my hair or make up

So I just put it in this messy ass bun since I don’t need my hair looking great

I really wish I could just take my hair off, have a shaved head or something

But I don’t so I put it in a bun on the top of my head and I get all the hair off my neck and shoulders so it at least feels like I don’t have any hair

Except it feels like something is squeezing my head which is really annoying but I guess its the price I pay for not shaving my head

Anyway I put my hair in a weird ass bun and I have my crooked ass reject glasses on, No make up on and thought…

. . . should I at least put some mascara on?

. . . don’t I need like something?

Then I was like bitch

If I can fucking see at Trader Joes

A old ass man in a faded fucking rainbow tutu with a dirty wife beater pulling his luggage around waving like he is Marilyn Monroe

Yeah…I saw that the other day at Trader Joes

If I can see that


Fucking surely,

I can walk out of the house with my hair in a bun

No makeup on

Not even mascara

Surely, I can do that

So that’s what I am going to do today

Cam-girl room decorating abilities mishap

February 25th 2020

There is a lady out in the world right now who is very pissed at me for criticizing her cam-girl room decorating abilities

Let me rewind a little bit and give you an introduction into how this all came about

I believe in not saying bad things about yourself so as not to cement that shit in let me just tell the universe right now….. “please don’t really make me a broke ass bitch”

But like, maybe I am a broke ass bitch

I was a hairstylist for 8+ years and when I moved states and lost all my clients

I became a hairstylist with no clients to pay the bills

So basically I am a failed hairstylist, running out of money, 33 years old, no boyfriend or husband……. or sugar daddy

I have zero money coming in

All I want is like a mediocre fucking life which is like being rich to me

I just want to have a Spotify account where I can skip as many times as I want and not have to listen to commercials

Like that is rich to me!…. I want to be that rich

I just want to be able to live alone and not have messy ass roommates

I want to be able to walk around naked because I hate the feel of clothes

I want to be that rich….

So basically like middle class mediocre rich and I am not doing so good at that

I’m more like high schooler rich but with no parents taking care of me

So that’s not good…. I’m actually worse off than a high schooler

So…. uh…. yeah…..

I was desperate and decided that I should… Since I have no other skills and I am failing at doing hair because I have no clients and no jobs want to hire someone who has been a self employed hairstylists for 8+ years with no other expierence (in their eyes) And the ones that will hire me wont pay the money I need to be mediocre rich and live alone in a shitty apartment….

….so I thought… why not try porn . . . . .

But, I don’t want to let just any douche bags in me or like ass holes or pricks.

But thought maybe…. I can make some money doing cam girl shit

After brief and shitty research I was under the impression I would be able to make like five hundred a day and have sooo many followers in no time

Like right out the gate

I thought about it, I tried it and ugh….

I made thirty five dollars or something and did like 5 hours total

So that sucked….

I can twiddle my twat alone if I am not getting money for it

I could be doing other things that I want to do

But there I was trying to make money but got only the free loaders

Those few hours I put in already got me burnt out

That was 5 hours of my life and I thought I was going to make like a hundred dollars an hour

I felt like I should have had like five hundred dollars by then even though I knew it was going to take time to build a paying audience

The real thing that turned me off to it was

….this uh…

This mother fucker, fucking scammed me

I’m an idiot!

This mother fucker was in my cam room and man, I should have know better….

. . . . he messaged me on my twitter…. he messaged me on my instagram…. AND on my mother fucking email…

Asking how much for a 30 minute skype show

Then while I was live on my cam site he messaged me on Instagram again!!!

He couldn’t even message me on my cam site chat because he obviously had no tokens to message me and I had it set to only people with the tokens {money to spend} can message me…. I don’t want to talk to free loaders

I should have known right then and there when this mother fucker is messaging me on Instagram and all the other place EXCEPT the live cam room…

… but I am dumb

So he was going thru my amazon Wishlist and said he was going to buy the $200 hard drive I needed/ wanted for my photography

He was DMing me on Instagram this while I was live

I was like damn….. yeah…. ChaChing!$!$!$!

Sure i’ll do two, thirty minute private skype sessions for that

I told the mother fucker to wait till I was done with my live, with my 3 fans who never tipped me

He then had the audacity to say “its not like your making any money”…. {that piece of shit}

But I was also like “he’s right, fuck it lets get a two hundred dollar hard drive”

So he took me away from my cam show where I might have made three cents or something

But this bitch, this fucking ass hole, piece of shit, mother fucker, scum bag, douche bag, prick got me on a mother fucking skype cuz I got all turnt up for the hard drive and I did a thirty minute with him and I did another 30 minute with him the next day

But he was scamming me!!!!

I don’t even want to go into all the details

That’s a story of its own, it is depressing but its fucking gold and it could help people and maybe give me some money too and you know I am a broke ass bitch {universe cover your ears}

But…. yeah…. so any way that was my first attempt at cam girl-ing

I continue to work at my shitty ass part time retail job {universe don’t hear that either}

So shits getting real again. I got a month to figure out that I can’t live in the apartment that I’m living alone in and I need to get a roommate and blah blah blah and my jobs a piece of shit because I can’t even afford to live in the apartment that I’m living in…..

. . . . . . yada yada yada

So I hit the job boards and I see this cam girl shit again!

But this time it’s a fucking craigslist ad and claims it’s the #1 cam studio in the area

So I was like “wow!” maybe they got viewers and better traffic and algorithms and what not

So I messaged them and they were quick to get back to me

I go to check out this studio to be like a professional cam girl with the studio feeding me the viewers etc.

I get there and its a sketchy part of town the building is unmarked

I thought I was going to get inside and it was going to be like men in black. Like covert on the outside and beautiful on the inside. Because the craigslist ad said #1 cam studio

So… I walk in and this shit is dark and just broke fucking down in there

The girl I have the meeting/ interview with, she is just real odd

Bitch just like straight up starts signing me up for their site, sight unseen and my dumb ass went with it cuz she was freaky and clearly special needs and I didn’t want to be mean to the special needs person

She was older, it was hard to tell how old cuz her personality was like that of a 12 year old

Yet again that’s another story for another time….

This story is about how I pissed this lady off

She show me 2 rooms after filling out paperwork and one room isn’t even private its got a curtain so anyone going to the next room is going to see and hear my fake moaning

The rooms looks like meth head rooms. They are nasty as fuck and she is sadly so proud of them because she decorated them herself

They looked like dirty ass, fucking dingy, dark preteen rooms….

. . . eew …. I don’t want……. that’s not my fucking look

I’m like a modern classy harlot type

So I leave the place and she keeps texting me about my pending account etc.

I, in the nicest way tell her that the 2 rooms I saw were not my style and wanted to see pics of the other rooms, that I want a more modern, minimalistic and bright room

And she is sooooo offended and goes off on me

I tried to be super nice and actually even offered to help spruce the rooms up

I clearly struck a nerve with her

She quickly replied showing how un-fit she is to be an adult or a professional

Apparently she did wonders with that place…..

Sex today is sad

Girl realizes she just met a guy

She barely knows him

Jumps in bed with said guy and puts his junk inside her

They have never even spent 1 hour cuddling


Never saw each other naked before


Had a moment where they loved each other


Never thought about having a life with each other… out of love NOT lust

They have never even had breakfast together…

Saw a sunrise together…

Gone on a hike together…

Discovered a new thing together…

Or just done couples things….


Now they have had sex

Two complete strangers have had sex

Before they ever get to know one another really

Now that they have had sex

Sex is on the mind

So uh…

You just don’t get to know people in the same way as if you never had sex with them

You know what I’m saying?…

Celtic Women Rant

So I am an old soul yet I look super young

24 year olds think they are older than me

I’m 33…


…So technically I have and old soul

I like oldies and all that stuff


…so what type of music do you think I like?

I like fricken Celtic Women shit

And i’m an introvert

You wouldn’t know it

My thought are about me

My actions are about me


I’m straight up interested in me


People always think I have energy

Im tired as fuck all the time

You wouldn’t know because I do ok being extroverted and making shit about them and not my tired ass

I’m a self centered introvert so therefor I like attention on myself

I really love having conversations with people when its about me

Because of the introversion but maybe that’s perversion?

I don’t know….

But yeah

It is 7:46 pm on a Saturday night in Las Vegas

And I’m listening to Celtic Women alone

I’m fucking cool guys

{ramble}…. (listen to the recording above)

Also I want to be a stand up fuckin comedy-ian…. comedeein, comed-ian….. there we go…

I’m so introverted, I’m so alone all the time yet when I’m at work its about them, “What do you want? How can I serve you…”


I work my fuckin ass off

So here on a Friday nigh before 8pm in my pjs, showered, no makeup, hair looking like a 5 year old with her little side braid, with my Celtic Women, high, cracked out on caffeine

But yeah I’m so introverted and tired of playing extrovert all day

I have to talk to myself because not alot of people want to talk to me about me

Its always about them and I fucking hate that and that’s probably why I just want to be alone

But I got these jokes, I go these rhymes, I got theses fucking verses

I want to get out off my chest

So here you are


Dick size doesn’t matter

So… size is not important to me

I have had guys with big dicks that just hurt

I have had a guy with a big skinny dick I could hardly feel


I had a guy with a big dick who couldn’t stay hard

I had a guy with a big dick who couldn’t last long

My point is…

Big dicks are more disappointing than not big dicks

To be honest


It’s not about the fucking size

It’s about the connection


We all know its about the clitoris

You don’t need a big dick for the clitoris…

True Love {for my cat}

True love is when you hate them

When they annoy the fuck out of you

When you wish you didn’t have them

Because they make things harder


You could never


Think about leaving them


And that is how I feel for my cat

To be fair

I’m sure she feels the same

I know she has hated me at times

I know I have annoyed her at times


I know she loves me….

Confidence and my weird witch voice

SO my confidence has gone up in life…


At 34 almost years old

I know this because


I though of something so important to say that I had to do it while showering


B…. because

Today this young girl said “you have a weird voice” {in weird little girl voice}

Literally this young innocent sweet girl who is just being brutally honest, not even coming off mean, just noticing her surroundings and apparently what she noticed was………………………………….. “I have a weird voice”

And then she says “IT’S LIKE A WITCH” {in a cute weird little girl voice}

I think its cute. My pride isn’t hurt…. {no ego or pride hurt here by this sweet innocent honest little girl}

I mean yeah

I always kind of thought my voice sounded funny on recordings

But I figure that’s how it is with everybody when you hear your voice

Like some weird matrix shit

So I just thought that was normal and that my voice was normal

So now at 34 almost years old

I am starting to wonder if my voice is actually funny

Like haha not wow that was a good joke

but like haha your voice sounds strange



Here where my confidence part kicked in

I have this conceited thought while in the shower

I thought hey

Its better to hear it from this little girl whos being all cute and sweet

Its better to hear it from her that my voice is “funny” and “sounds like a witch” than from people and my tolls on the internet when I get like

Big and famous

You know and I get trolls and shit

One troll one day is going to say to me “your voice sounds funny”

And I am going to be like

Thank you…. little girl

Thank you for that

I really appreciate you bringing that to my attention but uh

Yeah, I think its pretty cool


Anyways, that was my thought in the shower

And I knew

I know I was going to forget it

If I didn’t tell it


I was like 100% sure that I was going to fuck it up

But uh apparently I didn’t

I think I made it all the way through

And I didn’t you know get side tracked by a squirrel or something


Just remember that guys when you tell me my voice sounds funny

Or when you think it

It doesn’t hurt me

You cant hurt me

I think its cute


………………………………………. . . . .

I cant frickin log into my phone to turn this recording off

Because my hands are all wet and it doesn’t recognize the finger print

But I finally got it unlocked right now

And sorry you had to hear that

Thank you for listening this far

If you got this far

Your fucking awesome!