Tag: true

Pandemic Hairstylist

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

So… Working as the bottom of the barrel hairstylist at a chain salon…. for over a year now during a pandemic has been fucking shitty…

Ya know… You’re getting people that are… like ass holes… they think they are entitled… they think they are something…cuz… just… the… yeah… {???} they think they are something…

And they think they are going to like, a world famous barber… and they are gonna get the world famous fucking fade…and they are gonna… they are paying so much cuz its $19.50…

Nineteen dollars and fifty cents…. just…. its so expensive… they need the fucking… the worlds best barbers fade…

And uh… they need it right now…

Like… don’t make me wait… NO I need my haircut now…

I know I didn’t have an appointment and I know its 2020 and I know I’m supposed to wear a mask… but NO…. I aint wearing no fucking mask… and I aint making no appointments… This is the time I want right now…

I’m like NO… HONEY…. We booked… don’t cha know we are in the fucking middle of a pandemic… no one wants to work… we only got 2 stylists working… we are already booked honey…

We can do 5:30! Can you do 5:30???

No… theses mother fuckers are ass holes coming in here wanting their haircuts asap… they are expecting to get the world class barber and they are already complaining about the $19 dollar fucking charge…

Like… Oh my god… this dude today… he just stopped me in the parking lot and he is like…

YO… was that girl… who was cutting my hair… was she new….

And I was just like…

I really really wanted to say…

Dude…what the fuck do you expect. You didn’t request anybody… your coming to a… a chain salon… in the middle of a pandemic….when vdnobody wants to work… you think your gonna get fucking Vidal Sassoons barber… honey NO… you gonna get the girl fresh out of beauty school…who IS working and she is really fucking sweet and she needs a lot of training and we are working on it with her…. Like chill fucker… you didn’t go Vidal Sassoon… this is a chain salon… remember… and you didn’t request nobody… yeah, you got the new girl… shut the fuck up…

Like get out of here…

But uh… yeah… I’m getting yelled at… today I got yelled at 3 times…

Theses people… 2 of them were old men….

The first dude…maybe he wasn’t that old…. But… he’s old… umm… this dude walks in…and uh… says uh yeah I got an appointment….

And I’m like… I’m in the middle of a color… I’m blocked out for 2 hours…its definitely not with me… and uh its not with the other girl…she is already working on hers…

so I’m like you know…

A… I don’t see you here… uh…

And he goes oh shit… that was with… you know the other competitor… the other cheaper competitor… you know… shit… I booked it over there… and then he is like I’ll just get it here…

And I was like… ok… well… I’m in the middle of a color… she’s just working on her client… we can take you RIGHT after…

Like that is fucking rare… that’s gold… he should be thanking his lucky star we can get him in next…

And this mother fucker walks out… pissed the fuck off… I don’t know what the fuck he was pissed about…

But that’s… that’s how I start my day… and that’s how I start almost everyday…

And then the next dude who walks in… older…more angry…

{laughs/ fart sound from {for the record} rocks rolling in tub} 😂

So this fucker walks in… I’m like how can I help you?

I’m doing my sweet voice cuz I know theses people are already… mother fucking angry… so I’m just… HI! How can I help you?

You know…

I didn’t say do you have an appointment… {that is the rude way to welcome someone walking into the salon}… I said how can I help you? Theses mother fuckers…. “Uh… yeah I need a fucking HAIRCUT”…

Sooo….. uh… then… I’m like…. Ohhhhh…. Okkkkk…..uh…. We can totally get you in right after this… and so he goes… he sits down… and I said ok… can I have your uh… your name or your phone number… and this guy… he goes off on me now… this dude is pissed…. He goes… Why the fuck does everybody got to know my name and ask for my number…

And I said… sir… if we don’t put you in here… someone is gonna book your appointment online and we don’t want that now do we… so can I get a name… he just gives me his first name… and I get it… I’m like ok I’m not pushing this idiot… I get it… he thinks he’s like… people want his number… like… and his name… but he doesn’t know… nobody fucking wants anything of his…No…we know you got nothing… so… your not that important…

But uh… so I just put his first name in… and I put refused as the last name…no fucking phone number… but um… he’s like… {???}

I’m telling him… oh also… just in case you ever want to know who cut your hair… if you like them and you don’t remember… we can look that up by your name… and also… if you have a certain haircut that you like we put that in there so we know your haircut next time… better service…

So this mother fucker… is just a piece of shit idiot ass hole dick… but he sits down… he actually took the appointment tho…

And then the next and 3rd final person to go off on me today… was uh… this lady… and she has no mask on… ok… cool… but like… the state just updated the mandates that we all are supposed to be wearing a mask and I’m working for a chain salon that has rules and regulations… ok… and she just thinks like… she is going off…

What the fuck {???}… this is such bull shit… and then she goes ahead and uh… another guy comes in with his son…and she is just like…“First they tell us to get vaccinated and now we got to fucking put pur mask back on…

Yes… like no one said a fucking word after she did that little bitch fit… it was crickets…cricket in the salon…so I think she felt… I hope she felt like a fucking idiot… and that bitch did put her mask on and she kept in on the whole time… but mind you I now am working on her daughter… for 2.5 hours I worked on her daughter… the daughter is so happy… smiling… taking pictures….and this fucking bitch mom gave me a $2 tip…

Like…. Fuck… this…

Anyone who wants to go work in a chain salon with cheap ass salon clients in the middle of a pandemic….

Just don’t… people are fucking ass holes… they are impatient… they are rude… they think they are fucking entitled… NO… please save yourself…

My depression ate the cookie even though the OCD said NO.

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

…. “So today my coworker could see that uh, I was pretty down” ….

…. “I was like, I’m out, I’m done” ….

…. “He tried to give me a cookie” ….

…. “If you know me, you know I’m NOT a big fan of even ME, MYSELF, touching my own food” ….

…. “My coworker sees I’m not the person he knows, its scary, I’m fucking dark” ….

…. “All I do is see that he’s holding it with his fingers” ….

…. “I take it just to be polite” ….

…. “Then I’m like god damn it its a f****** white maca chip, what is that? white chocolate macadamia nut, god damn that, that’s my favorite” ….

…. “I’m just like f*** this, I’m so fucking done, I’m so f****** lost and low” ….

…. “I don’t give a f*** about anything” ….

…. “Fuck this!” ….

…. “I’m eating the cookie” ….

{RAMBLE…. LISTEN TO THE AUDIO ITS SUPER WAY GREAT}

…. “F*** this, I’m depressed, I’m low, I’m f****** done, I don’t care” ….

…. “I’m eating the whole f****** cookie” ….

…. “Finger prints and all” ….

…. “Bring it on c***d-19, I don’t give a f***, Might be good for me” ….

Thanks for listening guys

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

…. “I feel like I’m living on the edge right now because I only have like one podcast scheduled to go out” ….

…. “ . . . They are so old when I listen to those I am like {god damn that’s an annoying b****}” ….

…. “. . .  I’m not postings that one, that one is so lame” ….

…. “um… so…….” ….

…. “I thought this is kinda cool actually” ….

…. “It means that my podcast and blog posts and everything with my instagram posts and all that . . . {because it’s happening in the same few days} it’s  like in real time” ….

…. “A lot of the old podcasts were like months old, or weeks old and now I’m at couple hours old type shit” ….

…. “So this shit is getting real” …. 

…. “Um. . . Sure its nice to have 7 podcasts scheduled for the week but uh. . . It’s hard. . . I’m working a lot and uh. . .yeah. . .” ….

…. “I don’t even want to go into the iPhone 5c and 6 archives. . . Or the iPads. . .um. .  ” ….

…. “I ain’t prepared to listen to those, they in the bad parts of life” ….

…. “. . . This is too boring, this is too sad” ….

…. “Not much of those get out” ….

…. “I feel like I’m eventually gonna run out and then I’m going to have. . .I’m gonna miss a day. . .and that’s crazy” ….

…. “I don’t know what happened, I just started this podcast so intuitively and uh . . . With no f****** plan but from day one the plan was, upload one a day and now I’m like shit. . . It’s getting scary” ….

…. “I’m getting scared, if I miss a day I’m gonna feel super disappointed” ….

…. “How hard can it be to upload a rant a day they are like 2 minutes long!? . . .  I can do it!. . .  I got this!. . .” ….

…. “I’m doing what I do and I like it and uh well see what happens and don’t beat me up if skip a day cuz I get busy. . . K? Thanks! Thanks for listening guys” ….

Peed in the jacuzzi

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

…. “I was thinking like what am I going to talk about? I don’t know what to talk about” ….

…. “Let’s f****** do story time and let’s start at the beginning” ….

…. “I have a really bad memory. . . We’ll get to that later but. . .” ….

…. “Trying to think of the oldest memory I have of when I was little. . .” ….

…. “. . . And this one is so dumb but we’re starting at the beginning so here goes” ….

…. “Um. . . I was probably about six I think. . .  I don’t know” ….

…. “I was young and we were all in the hot tub” ….

…. “. . .  Six. . . Ten. . . Whatever. . .” ….

…. “. . . And I peed” …. {shhhh}

….  “I peed in the hot tub, the jacuzzi or whatever” …. 

…. “I thought. . .  no like I’m six. . . It’s ok. . . it’s ok  I have to pee. . . I don’t want to get out. . . Everyone’s going to look at me. . .” ….

…. “My Uncle. . . Whatever ever the guy is. . . My grandma’s brother. . . I’ll call him my uncle cuz I don’t think he is by grandpa. . .he is not my grandpa. . .” ….

…. “Um. . .he. . .uh. . .he was like {WHO PEED IN THE THE JACUZZI}” ….

…. “And I was like . . . Grew up my whole life so f****** mortified. . .” ….

…. “So mortified that ummm. . .  That he knew. . . Somebody peed. . . And maybe he could spot my poker face, you know?” ….

…. “At six years old I was like. . .{does he know its me, or do I have a good poker face, I don’t know I’m six! F***!}”  ….

…. “NOW. . . As an adult I think about this and I’m like {come on I’m a six year old!?}” ….

…. “How much pee did I have?” ….

…. “Like an ounce of tequila? “ ….

…. “How did this uncle thing know that I peed in the pool and I’m like NO!” ….

…. “I don’t think that’s possible. . .just one six year old. . . But there was probably multiples of us in there” ….

…. “So I think we must of all f****** peed in the jacuzzi so it was concentrated enough to so that my . . . Uncle man knew we peed in the pool” ….

Mad at the dolphins

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

…. “So I don’t have a podcast, I almost wasn’t?!” ….

…. “I was like you know what? F*** it, I’m not gonna do a podcast” ….

…. “But then right now I just said f*** it, I’m gonna do a podcast” ….

…. “I’m gonna speak it right now {this is what I’m doing}” ….

…. “Then I’m gonna type that s*** up and put it up there so that we have a mother f****** podcast for tomorrow, OK?” ….

…. “I don’t know who is listening but thank you and here goes” ….

** A very high, tired me  trying to tell a story on why I hated dolphins for all my childhood. ***Too high and tired to transcribe the rest of the recording
****Not sure anyone reads this anyway

No one is screwing me over anymore

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

…. “I definitely wasn’t always the person who didn’t give a s*** about anything or what people do, say or think about me” ….

…. “I was definitely the opposite of that for the majority of my life” ….

…. “And unfortunately it was like my last {kind of} relationship, if you want to call it that, that uh really made me snap and just say f*** it ” ….

…. “I’m so f****** done!” ….

…. “Because. . .like. . .this m***** f***** like assaulted me and manipulated me” ….

…. “It was so fucking bad and I didn’t even know it till like a few weeks in what the f*** was going on and what had happened actually ” ….

…. “I was so f****** like freaked out and like what the f***?! How did this happen? ” ….

…. “And um, like I’m trying to get rid of this m***** f***** and trying to be nice about it” ….

…. “I realize, like yeah, me being nice and trying not to hurt other people was reallly really f****** me over” ….

…. “And finally I had to tell this m***** f*****, don’t f***** contact me” ….

…. “And it was like weird, it was super hard and strange and it felt good” ….

…. “It felt so f****** good that like I really just snapped into this other side of it where I’m like f*** that feels good to just not give a f***” ….

 …. “I’m not taking care of your feelings anymore its time to take care of my feeling” ….

…. “I’m still a good person. . . . But. . . No one is f****** me over anymore” ….

Random thoughts and facts

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

…. “So uh” ….

…. “Sorry I’ve been a little MIA on the podcast” …. 

***(PS find me where the podcasts are for the most current rants)***

…. “Just uh. . . I don’t know. . . Trying to figure my life out” ….

…. “Also . . . Uh. . . ” ….

…. “Sometimes I have my cup that I drink my tea in and I clean it out in the shower  while I clean myself” …. 

…. “I thought I wanted you guys to know that” ….

…. “As I’m just showering and doing my dishes over here” ….

Getting good at being yelled at

Sami PeculiarLeave a comment

…. “Just waking up” ….

…. “I’m up, I’m up, I’m up, I’m up” ….

…. “I just was thinking” ….

…. “Going down memory lane and how I used to just be this different person that . . . um couldn’t handle stress” ….

…. “I was like terrified of everything, Everything!” …. 

…. “I needed to be institutionalized, I mean I might still need to be institutionalized but whatever I’m happy” ….

…. “Back then I wasn’t happy and I was fucked up. . . or in a different way and um. . .” ….

…. “Im just like wow I’ve come so fucking far” ….

…. “I’m so like spiritual and awakened you know, like. . .” ….

…. “When theses m***** f****** are b******* and moaning at me” ….

…. “I don’t even f****** bat and eyelash” ….

…. “I know, I’m like in my head {I know this m***** f***** is having a bad day}” ….

…. “Whatever, something ain’t right, it has absolutely nothing to do with me” ….

…. “They are just sick of all the rules and changes in life and all the other drama in their life” ….

…. “So they are taking this s*** out on me” ….

…. “I realize this, I realize this” ….

…. “I just sit there and let them go on their little hissy fits” …. 

…. “It’s the best f***** thing to do because these m***** f****** shut up and end up apologizing to me cuz they realize how f****** dumb they are!” …. 

….{Side story rant}….

…. “Mind you, I’m in the middle of a f****** haircut right now!” …. 

…. “So I tell this mother f*****. . .” ….

…. “So this guy keeps going off and saying some bull s***” ….

…. “Yes, I was shaky, I was reeling, reeling, reeling” …. 

…. “I wasn’t about to meet that fool with his energy” ….

…. “I hear this mother f***** say {it’s a real hostile environment in here, isn’t it?}” ….

…. “I’m not giving that f****** idiot any time of day right now” ….

…. “He is on a different plane and I don’t want to get on that one” ….

…. “I guess apparently he apologized to the stylists. . .” ….

…. “Awesome sweet” ….