Cam-girl room decorating abilities mishap

February 25th 2020

There is a lady out in the world right now who is very pissed at me for criticizing her cam-girl room decorating abilities

Let me rewind a little bit and give you an introduction into how this all came about

I believe in not saying bad things about yourself so as not to cement that shit in let me just tell the universe right now….. “please don’t really make me a broke ass bitch”

But like, maybe I am a broke ass bitch

I was a hairstylist for 8+ years and when I moved states and lost all my clients

I became a hairstylist with no clients to pay the bills

So basically I am a failed hairstylist, running out of money, 33 years old, no boyfriend or husband……. or sugar daddy

I have zero money coming in

All I want is like a mediocre fucking life which is like being rich to me

I just want to have a Spotify account where I can skip as many times as I want and not have to listen to commercials

Like that is rich to me!…. I want to be that rich

I just want to be able to live alone and not have messy ass roommates

I want to be able to walk around naked because I hate the feel of clothes

I want to be that rich….

So basically like middle class mediocre rich and I am not doing so good at that

I’m more like high schooler rich but with no parents taking care of me

So that’s not good…. I’m actually worse off than a high schooler

So…. uh…. yeah…..

I was desperate and decided that I should… Since I have no other skills and I am failing at doing hair because I have no clients and no jobs want to hire someone who has been a self employed hairstylists for 8+ years with no other expierence (in their eyes) And the ones that will hire me wont pay the money I need to be mediocre rich and live alone in a shitty apartment….

….so I thought… why not try porn . . . . .

But, I don’t want to let just any douche bags in me or like ass holes or pricks.

But thought maybe…. I can make some money doing cam girl shit

After brief and shitty research I was under the impression I would be able to make like five hundred a day and have sooo many followers in no time

Like right out the gate

I thought about it, I tried it and ugh….

I made thirty five dollars or something and did like 5 hours total

So that sucked….

I can twiddle my twat alone if I am not getting money for it

I could be doing other things that I want to do

But there I was trying to make money but got only the free loaders

Those few hours I put in already got me burnt out

That was 5 hours of my life and I thought I was going to make like a hundred dollars an hour

I felt like I should have had like five hundred dollars by then even though I knew it was going to take time to build a paying audience

The real thing that turned me off to it was

….this uh…

This mother fucker, fucking scammed me

I’m an idiot!

This mother fucker was in my cam room and man, I should have know better….

. . . . he messaged me on my twitter…. he messaged me on my instagram…. AND on my mother fucking email…

Asking how much for a 30 minute skype show

Then while I was live on my cam site he messaged me on Instagram again!!!

He couldn’t even message me on my cam site chat because he obviously had no tokens to message me and I had it set to only people with the tokens {money to spend} can message me…. I don’t want to talk to free loaders

I should have known right then and there when this mother fucker is messaging me on Instagram and all the other place EXCEPT the live cam room…

… but I am dumb

So he was going thru my amazon Wishlist and said he was going to buy the $200 hard drive I needed/ wanted for my photography

He was DMing me on Instagram this while I was live

I was like damn….. yeah…. ChaChing!$!$!$!

Sure i’ll do two, thirty minute private skype sessions for that

I told the mother fucker to wait till I was done with my live, with my 3 fans who never tipped me

He then had the audacity to say “its not like your making any money”…. {that piece of shit}

But I was also like “he’s right, fuck it lets get a two hundred dollar hard drive”

So he took me away from my cam show where I might have made three cents or something

But this bitch, this fucking ass hole, piece of shit, mother fucker, scum bag, douche bag, prick got me on a mother fucking skype cuz I got all turnt up for the hard drive and I did a thirty minute with him and I did another 30 minute with him the next day

But he was scamming me!!!!

I don’t even want to go into all the details

That’s a story of its own, it is depressing but its fucking gold and it could help people and maybe give me some money too and you know I am a broke ass bitch {universe cover your ears}

But…. yeah…. so any way that was my first attempt at cam girl-ing

I continue to work at my shitty ass part time retail job {universe don’t hear that either}

So shits getting real again. I got a month to figure out that I can’t live in the apartment that I’m living alone in and I need to get a roommate and blah blah blah and my jobs a piece of shit because I can’t even afford to live in the apartment that I’m living in…..

. . . . . . yada yada yada

So I hit the job boards and I see this cam girl shit again!

But this time it’s a fucking craigslist ad and claims it’s the #1 cam studio in the area

So I was like “wow!” maybe they got viewers and better traffic and algorithms and what not

So I messaged them and they were quick to get back to me

I go to check out this studio to be like a professional cam girl with the studio feeding me the viewers etc.

I get there and its a sketchy part of town the building is unmarked

I thought I was going to get inside and it was going to be like men in black. Like covert on the outside and beautiful on the inside. Because the craigslist ad said #1 cam studio

So… I walk in and this shit is dark and just broke fucking down in there

The girl I have the meeting/ interview with, she is just real odd

Bitch just like straight up starts signing me up for their site, sight unseen and my dumb ass went with it cuz she was freaky and clearly special needs and I didn’t want to be mean to the special needs person

She was older, it was hard to tell how old cuz her personality was like that of a 12 year old

Yet again that’s another story for another time….

This story is about how I pissed this lady off

She show me 2 rooms after filling out paperwork and one room isn’t even private its got a curtain so anyone going to the next room is going to see and hear my fake moaning

The rooms looks like meth head rooms. They are nasty as fuck and she is sadly so proud of them because she decorated them herself

They looked like dirty ass, fucking dingy, dark preteen rooms….

. . . eew …. I don’t want……. that’s not my fucking look

I’m like a modern classy harlot type

So I leave the place and she keeps texting me about my pending account etc.

I, in the nicest way tell her that the 2 rooms I saw were not my style and wanted to see pics of the other rooms, that I want a more modern, minimalistic and bright room

And she is sooooo offended and goes off on me

I tried to be super nice and actually even offered to help spruce the rooms up

I clearly struck a nerve with her

She quickly replied showing how un-fit she is to be an adult or a professional

Apparently she did wonders with that place…..

Sex today is sad

Girl realizes she just met a guy

She barely knows him

Jumps in bed with said guy and puts his junk inside her

They have never even spent 1 hour cuddling

or…

Never saw each other naked before

or…

Had a moment where they loved each other

and…

Never thought about having a life with each other… out of love NOT lust

They have never even had breakfast together…

Saw a sunrise together…

Gone on a hike together…

Discovered a new thing together…

Or just done couples things….

BUT NOW….

Now they have had sex

Two complete strangers have had sex

Before they ever get to know one another really

Now that they have had sex

Sex is on the mind

So uh…

You just don’t get to know people in the same way as if you never had sex with them

You know what I’m saying?…

Celtic Women Rant

So I am an old soul yet I look super young

24 year olds think they are older than me

I’m 33…

…{…ramble…}…

…So technically I have and old soul

I like oldies and all that stuff

…{…ramble…}…

…so what type of music do you think I like?

I like fricken Celtic Women shit

And i’m an introvert

You wouldn’t know it

My thought are about me

My actions are about me

Introversion

I’m straight up interested in me

….

People always think I have energy

Im tired as fuck all the time

You wouldn’t know because I do ok being extroverted and making shit about them and not my tired ass

I’m a self centered introvert so therefor I like attention on myself

I really love having conversations with people when its about me

Because of the introversion but maybe that’s perversion?

I don’t know….

But yeah

It is 7:46 pm on a Saturday night in Las Vegas

And I’m listening to Celtic Women alone

I’m fucking cool guys

{ramble}…. (listen to the recording above)

Also I want to be a stand up fuckin comedy-ian…. comedeein, comed-ian….. there we go…

I’m so introverted, I’m so alone all the time yet when I’m at work its about them, “What do you want? How can I serve you…”

{ramble….}

I work my fuckin ass off

So here on a Friday nigh before 8pm in my pjs, showered, no makeup, hair looking like a 5 year old with her little side braid, with my Celtic Women, high, cracked out on caffeine

But yeah I’m so introverted and tired of playing extrovert all day

I have to talk to myself because not alot of people want to talk to me about me

Its always about them and I fucking hate that and that’s probably why I just want to be alone

But I got these jokes, I go these rhymes, I got theses fucking verses

I want to get out off my chest

So here you are

ramble…………

Dick size doesn’t matter

So… size is not important to me

I have had guys with big dicks that just hurt

I have had a guy with a big skinny dick I could hardly feel

…{ramble}…

I had a guy with a big dick who couldn’t stay hard

I had a guy with a big dick who couldn’t last long

My point is…

Big dicks are more disappointing than not big dicks

To be honest

So….

It’s not about the fucking size

It’s about the connection

And…

We all know its about the clitoris

You don’t need a big dick for the clitoris…

True Love {for my cat}

True love is when you hate them

When they annoy the fuck out of you

When you wish you didn’t have them

Because they make things harder

But…

You could never

Ever…

Think about leaving them

Really…

And that is how I feel for my cat

To be fair

I’m sure she feels the same

I know she has hated me at times

I know I have annoyed her at times

But…

I know she loves me….

Confidence and my weird witch voice

SO my confidence has gone up in life…

Finallyyyy

At 34 almost years old

I know this because

A….

I though of something so important to say that I had to do it while showering

AND

B…. because

Today this young girl said “you have a weird voice” {in weird little girl voice}

Literally this young innocent sweet girl who is just being brutally honest, not even coming off mean, just noticing her surroundings and apparently what she noticed was………………………………….. “I have a weird voice”

And then she says “IT’S LIKE A WITCH” {in a cute weird little girl voice}

I think its cute. My pride isn’t hurt…. {no ego or pride hurt here by this sweet innocent honest little girl}

I mean yeah

I always kind of thought my voice sounded funny on recordings

But I figure that’s how it is with everybody when you hear your voice

Like some weird matrix shit

So I just thought that was normal and that my voice was normal

So now at 34 almost years old

I am starting to wonder if my voice is actually funny

Like haha not wow that was a good joke

but like haha your voice sounds strange

….

So

Here where my confidence part kicked in

I have this conceited thought while in the shower

I thought hey

Its better to hear it from this little girl whos being all cute and sweet

Its better to hear it from her that my voice is “funny” and “sounds like a witch” than from people and my tolls on the internet when I get like

Big and famous

You know and I get trolls and shit

One troll one day is going to say to me “your voice sounds funny”

And I am going to be like

Thank you…. little girl

Thank you for that

I really appreciate you bringing that to my attention but uh

Yeah, I think its pretty cool

….

Anyways, that was my thought in the shower

And I knew

I know I was going to forget it

If I didn’t tell it

And

I was like 100% sure that I was going to fuck it up

But uh apparently I didn’t

I think I made it all the way through

And I didn’t you know get side tracked by a squirrel or something

….

Just remember that guys when you tell me my voice sounds funny

Or when you think it

It doesn’t hurt me

You cant hurt me

I think its cute

Bye……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

………………………………………. . . . .

I cant frickin log into my phone to turn this recording off

Because my hands are all wet and it doesn’t recognize the finger print

But I finally got it unlocked right now

And sorry you had to hear that

Thank you for listening this far

If you got this far

Your fucking awesome!

Screw your categories, I am who I am

The good stuff starts around 1:58 but to keep this recording unedited (mostly due to less work for me) I left the beginning mumbo jumbo in there.

I fucking hate politics

I refuse to learn them

I don’t know right wing vs left wing

Republican vs democrat

Liberal vs conservative

I have no fucking clue

Trying to figure that shit out is like the scene from “a beautiful mind”

I don’t give a fuck

Feminism…. fuck….

I don’t know what that is either

I don’t know if that means you are about having a guy be a gentleman or if your about “I can do it myself and I don’t need a man”

I think it’s the latter?

I think I’m the latter

I don’t like labels though

I am what I fucking am

You cannot check off any boxes and have me line up on the right side, left side, the middle, whatever

I am on a different fucking level

I ain’t even on the same plane as your charts

I’m 2 steps to the right and 5 steps up and a step diagonal

That’s where I am

I’m not on your Richter scale

Even white vs black

Even that

I just feel like

We are all fucking human

That’s my belief

That’s my side

Fuck categories

In relationships theses days why do we have to figure out within 3 dates if something is going to happen or not

Why are we trying to categorize our relationships from day one. Trying to put a fucking label on it.

Why can’t we just see what it fucking becomes instead of trying to make it something that it’s not.

Yet too often we sleep with someone or kiss someone before we even know them.

We don’t even know if in one month they will even be someone we can stand as a person. Yet we fucking kissed (or whatevered) them too fucking soon.

Oils & Rocks

“I bought every crystal…

every aromatherapy essential oil…

Tarot cards…

vitamins…

….trying to clear my bad juju.

I don’t think it’s working…

If it is working!?…

…Man…

If this is the best damn outcome because my life was that fucking shitty and all of those oils and rocks actually helped and then this is the fucking holy grail here…

….then damn I don’t even know what to say, but damn; “

Earthquake

I felt the recent 7.1 earthquake in CA all the way in Las Vegas Nevada on Friday July 5th 2019. I am not sure the strength, it felt like to me, maybe a 2.0 but that’s a complete uneducated guess.

Anyways, I felt it. I was sitting on my bed in my apartment which I live in alone with just my annoying ass old fat cat and my goofy toothless blind chihuahua. The bed felt like it was shaking but no animals were on my bed to be a reason for the shaking. I got up and still felt a weird rocking sensation. It’s weird how you can hear this eerie noise when an earthquake is happening. The subtlest of things clattering together and things swinging, etc all make for the quietist yet loud noise.

I started to realize it was and earthquake. A race of thoughts shot through my head…

… Fuck I live alone in a state with no family or friends. I’m basically here alone.

… Fuck I’m single. Have no boyfriend to call, to hold me and tell me it will be ok. That even if this gets bad no matter what I’ll protect you.

… Fuck even the blinds are swinging. Even the fucking blinds are swinging! (That’s a trippy sight to see as someone who is an extremely imaginative girl {me} when extremely anxious and she was indeed anxious in the midsts of a minor earthquake which she was sure was going to break into the worlds next major catastrophic earthquake in history at any second.

… Fuck Fuck Fuck

…Fuck where do I stand. Do I go in a door frame. Do I go outside. The thought to get under a table wasn’t on the option list at the time though I think that is the correct answer but don’t hold me to that bit of info. Who created these rules and regulations anyway?

… Fuck what about the cat and the dog?

… Fuck why is it still going on. How long is this going to go for?

… Fuck Fuck Fuck

… Fuck I’m scared, my hands are shakey I don’t know know what to do. I’m panicking.

… Fuck I want some here right now.

… Fuck am I prepared for the end of civilization like in the walking dead incase this earthquake really is the big one like in movies?

… Fuck who do I call. I need to call someone. I need someone.

… Fuck I have no one

… Fuckin A! I have no family and friends. No boyfriend to call. No Bffs.

… Fuck this sucks, this is terrifying and depressing on so many levels.

… Well fuck I guess I better just get in child’s pose and try to not pass out from the fear and overthinking

… Oh good I think it stopped

… I’m so shakey and scared. Need to call someone. Do I call the guy I barley just met a week ago?

…No! your crazy and isn’t he Ghosting you?

… Call your brother. Get over the fact that you guys aren’t talking at least he’s family and the only family that lives within less than 10 miles of you let alone 200+ miles out of state. Oh yeah and you aren’t talking to any of them either.

… Fuck he didn’t answer

… Fuck Samantha. How did you get here?

Fuck Fuckboys


No!

I do not want to have some “fun” with you.

I haven’t even met you.

Your cock is not some prized possession to me and your skills I’m sure will leave much to be desired.

I can fuck myself better than you ever will.

To hook up with you early on would be only to your pleasure.

I’m not down for pleasuring some guy I don’t even know if I can even stand as a person.

If you want me you have to prove you’re interested in more than just my body parts and looks.

I’m not looking for a sex partner.

I’m looking for my best friend.

Someone who will be there for me through thick and thin.

Comfort me in times of need.

Challenge me to be stronger.

Be my muse.

Inspire me.

Teach me new things.

Explore the unknown with me.

Let me into your world.

Show me a possible and grand future with you.

And I’ll do the same for you.

Only then (if we’re on the same page) may I be able to actually enjoy having sex with you.

Till then don’t even try to kiss me or ask me for a kiss.

Why not try to be so amazing I can’t help but ask {YOU} for a kiss…