So… My first kiss… It’s actually a funny story… Or a sad one… Kind of both… Ain’t that the story of my life
So I was in junior high… In seventh or eighth grade… There’s only two years in California… Or at least back in my day… I’m getting old
I don’t know if it was seventh grade or eighth grade… But I know it was in junior high… And the boys were horny… And I was a cute little thing… I guess I was cute in the way that they just wanted to fuck me
They just wanted a piece of me… They didn’t want to date me… They didn’t give a flying fuck about me… They just wanted my body… And I didn’t know it
So I was getting attention from the boys, and I liked it… I thought they liked me because I’m a dumbass
I was a flirt… And um… I had led them to believe that I was like this bad girl… Because I saw their excitement… I got more attention the more bad I seemed to them… And so somehow these guys had thought… I don’t really remember what they thought I did
I don’t know if I had hinted that I had sex… I definitely didn’t… But I might have led them to believe that… I can’t really remember the details… That was a while ago… But I do remember being kind of scared because like I had never even had my first kiss and I just thought… Man… I can’t kiss these guys… They’re gonna know that I haven’t kissed anyone… Like our faces are gonna be so close together and I don’t know what to do… I’m scared… That’s very intimate
So I played the whole Julia Roberts {Pretty Woman} thing… Like “I don’t kiss on the mouth”
I was terrified of kissing
So I ended up in a park alleyway or a paseo way with some guys… I really like this one guy Philip and um yeah he was cute… I wanted to date him
I was terrified to kiss him but I thought… Well… Like I could jack him off… Mind you I had actually never done that either but uh I thought it seemed a hell of a lot easier than kissing because like our faces aren’t right next to each other
It’s like actually less intimate so uh I opted to do a handy… I don’t really know how this came about but it came about and um I was nervous
So some of the other guys were down a ways we were behind like a more of a secluded bush area… In my head i’m just trying to run through this… Like how do I do this… I’ve never actually done this… Yeah I know the gist of it but I don’t really know… I’ve never touched one… I’ve never seen one {in real life and I don’t think I ever did see one that day}
This dude he’s just a dude… He’s not my boyfriend… I’m an idiot
The funniest part of it is that I was scared to do the hand job facing him… In front of him you know… I don’t know why… I guess I thought it would be harder
So uh… If my memory serves me correctly… I was behind him… Maybe because I just watched guys masturbate or something on porn… I don’t really know… It was always like the porn that I saw… You didn’t have it like available on phones… We didn’t have cell phones
So when I saw pornos it was like penetration or guys jacking themselves off so I only knew like the hand movement of the guy doing it to himself… So I literally got behind him and maybe it helped me because I didn’t have to look at him in the face or he didn’t get to look at me in the face and see that I was fucking terrified you know
Like what am I doing… Like why didn’t I have like a romantic idea of my first time and making sure it was with someone like legitimate… Like a good guy who cares about me… I don’t fucking know… Nobody told me about that shit… I was just… Yeah… I was horny and I liked the attention and I wanted a fucking best friend slash boyfriend
The end goal for me was {ALWAYS} to have the best friend slash boyfriend part who I could ALSO have sex with… But no… {I gave them what they wanted but they never gave me what I wanted}
So… Yeah… I am behind him and I’m jacking him off and like it was awkward and that was that
So my first kiss wasn’t really my first kiss… It was my first handy
But… Um… The weird part is I can’t really even remember my first kiss
I can’t Remember at all who it was with… I’m thinking it might have been with the guy I lost my virginity to but… Honestly… I have no fucking clue… I lost my virginity in ninth grade… And this happened seventh or eighth grade that the handy went down…Ninth grade I lost my virginity
I don’t know when in that time frame I {actually} kiss anybody… My first kiss… I don’t know… I can’t remember
I think you gotta remember your first… You know
You may remember your first kiss… But I didn’t… I had the first handy
So Yeah… That’s my true real first sexual encounter slash first kiss story for you… I hope you enjoyed it… I am… You know… I’m pretty mortified… I can’t believe I told that {I have never told anyone that before} but fuck… That shit {really} happened
That’s my story… It’s kind of funny… Like I said… It’s kind of sad… But Yeah… That’s mine… That’s all me baby
I don’t know if anyone’s got a story like that… I’d love to hear it though if they do
That’s why… Let’s just say I’m different {I’m fucked up} I’m fucking weird… I started off very… I just always do things backwards and I literally did that one backwards you know
Anyways thanks for listening
I feel like I’m talking to a damn ghost but uh hey thanks…