I have been revamping my website and I’m going through old blog posts and old podcasts and I’m just like why does somebody {ME} who hasn’t had sex in over two years talk a lot about sex…
I started really young and for someone who hasn’t had sex in a long time… I have had a lot of sex… I started in junior high getting frisky with the boys and yeah… I felt like hot shit… I got attention… You know… I never fucking got boyfriends… But I got attention and it took me a while to figure out how this shit works but yeah… Back then I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do…
I thought I was at the top of the top of the girls and in certain ways I was but not in the ways that I truly wanted to be… So I was getting frisky in junior high… No actual… You know intercourse… But by about {I think it was ninth grade} I did the deed… I did the deed behind my house… There was a hill and a wash and then like you know a little more hill to the main street and I did it in the fucking wash… Yes… I really liked this guy and this guy was flirting with me and my friend… I felt like it was a race to the finish line of like who is gonna get him… My friend Linda… Her mom was stricter so Linda had to go home that day…
My mom was not really around… She was a hard-working mom… She wasn’t paying attention to my fucking hoe ass… So I got more time with Jimmy and yeah… In the wash in that moment it was go time… I was the winner…
I got fucking Jimmy… Linda lost… But I mean I bet you Linda’s doing a fucking hell of a lot better in life now because of it… Yeah… Because um… I Won…
I lost my virginity that day In the wash… It was probably quick… There was definitely no orgasms… There was no romance… It was not good…
He was a not a great guy… But he was hot as fuck okay… I really wanted him to be my boyfriend… So then we were fucking you know and fucking and fucking and I never liked it {it was not good and all about him getting off} But I thought that’s how it goes to get this guy…
I thought he was gorgeous or whatever and I liked him and one day I’m at the mall with Jimmy and Jimmy tells me “Hey… This other girl we’re meeting up with she’s my girl… So don’t hang on me” or I’m not fully sure what he said but he {basically} told me to back the fuck off… Not {actually} like that but in my head {it was like that}…
And I’m like what the fuck… We’re fucking… I thought you were my boyfriend and now you’re telling me that this girl is your girl or something… So that was like a slap in the face… That was the guy I lost my virginity to…
Even before that I got treated like fucking shit… I liked these guys I was hooking up with… I was giving them handys in the movie theaters… In fucking park alleyways… None of them though fucking cared about me… None of them wanted to spend any time with me if it wasn’t sexual time…
They didn’t give a fuck about my favorite color… They didn’t want to take me to dinner… They didn’t want to watch a goddamn movie with me unless I was fucking under the sheets bobbing my head up and down… You know?
I just had hormones and I wanted to please these guys and I wanted their attention… I liked them… Obviously… I thought they were cute… I obviously wanted more…
I wasn’t doing this just for the sex… And it took me many years to realize that that’s all they wanted from me… {and my dumb ass was giving it up}…
Yeah… So it just… It was bad all bad…
So after Jimmy… History kept repeating itself… And at this point in my life at 37… I cannot even count how many times or people I’ve slept with…
I can’t… I can’t count it definitely not on my hands… Not including my toes… I don’t know if it’s in the 50s… I don’t know if it’s over 50… I don’t know if it’s under 50… I don’t fucking know…
And I’m not proud of it but I’m gonna own it… {it’s my story} And I thank God I don’t have any diseases… I never had any pregnancies… I never had any abortions… I got lucky… I somehow was smart in that area… Or maybe because of the fact that I have endometriosis… I didn’t find out till last year… But maybe that kept me from getting pregnant… So maybe there was one good thing to come out of having endometriosis and losing my goddamn ovary last February…
But um… Yeah… So I’ve just been recently like… Why do I… Why are all my rants and blog posts about sex? And maybe it’s just like all I really knew… I’m like an expert in sex now… And not the good sex… I’m an expert in the other one… And I want to… I don’t know… I guess share my story…
I want to maybe wake some fucking guys up… You know… I want them to… I wish they could start seeing how it should be… You know… Instead of just thinking about themselves and their pleasure and they think they’re pleasuring the fucking woman and they’re not!… They definitely are not… Put some fucking romance into it… Put some foreplay into it… Don’t just fucking go straight for the cookie… Like chase her a little bit… Actually show that you like her… Spend fucking real quality time with her… Do nice things for her… You know… Wake the fuck up…
So yeah… I’m wondering about why I do this… And I think it’s just… It’s my past… And I want to change it… I want to change it for other girls… I want other girls to wake the fuck up… I want the guys to wake up… I want it to be different…
And yeah… What else? I mean in my head I had like so many topics to go off of and then I had to do this intro and it just threw me off… Because I had to give like a backstory… And that was just the tip of the goddamn iceberg of my sexual experiences… But yeah… I think we’ll just leave it there… This will just be part one… Let me regroup and I’ll come back next week and we’ll elaborate on this topic, okay?…
Anyways… I don’t even think anybody’s listening… I know this is a very different type of podcast… It’s just a rant… It’s me unscripted ranting…
But isn’t that entertaining? Isn’t it nice to listen to something a little different? If you’re one of those people that is enjoying listening to something different…Thanks… I appreciate you… I hope you enjoy it and I’ll talk to you later…
Bye…