It has been about two years since I’ve had sex…
I don’t want to have sex with someone that I am gonna regret… Yeah… I guess… I mean the last time I had sex it was bad… It was really bad and the time before that was bad and like every time before that was bad and honestly it’s been a lot of times… {all bad}
I started having sex very young and it was all bad… So I guess I don’t have good memories and good experiences relating to sex… So I’m just not tempted or dying to have sex again… I mean I want to but I want it to be good like in the movies you know… I know that’s like asking for a lot but I want that movie sex… Yeah I want the sex that comes with so much more than just {shitty} sex…
I don’t want to have sex with the guy and in a month he’s not even around… Or less than that probably… Most likely you know… I don’t want to do that… I’m tired of that… I’ve done that… Been there done that… I don’t want to feel used anymore…
And as I said… It was all bad… So I never really enjoyed it… To me… It’s more of a mental thing for me to get turned on… I guess… And I have to really like you… I have to really trust you… I have to feel safe with you…
I have to know you’re not going anywhere… How the hell am I going to know you’re not going anywhere? Because you’ve been around for a while… But guess what? No guys ever stick the fuck around… So I’m not interested…
I haven’t met anyone who’s going to stick the fuck around…
When they’ve stuck around… When they’ve shown that they’re like a real part of my life and we’re actually friends and I actually like who you are as a person… When I actually want to spend time with you and do things and share my life with you… Then I’m probably going to be turned on by you… And then I’m probably going to want to have sex with you… But like, that’s a tall order…
I don’t see that happening because I just can’t stand most guys… Like… Ugh… I don’t know…They’re either not taking care of their health… Mentally… Physically… Or spiritually… Or like yeah…
I mean… I’m waiting… For someone who I could see that is taking care of all those areas… If they’re taking care of all those areas… Then that’s a turn on… But I don’t see that a lot… They all have bad attitudes… Not working on themselves physically or mentally… Not seeing what kind of flaws they have and trying to work on those… Not working on their life and their future…
I don’t want a boy…
I want a man… When I think of a man I think of someone who can… I don’t know… Puts in the work… Who is a hard worker… He Isn’t lazy… He has a future lined up for himself… He knows what he wants… He has high morals and values… He’s a protector… He’s a provider… He’s You know… Working on himself… He wants to be healthy… Look good and yeah…
But no… I don’t see that in guys today… Or just in general… I don’t know about today… Didn’t see it fucking ten years ago or 20 years ago either…. I mean… Maybe I was a little young 20 years ago… But um ten years ago… Yeah… No… I didn’t see it then either…
I did hear someone talk about it recently… About how a lot of guys or boys are raised by their mothers because there’s a lot of piece of shit dads out there and so these boys are raised by their mothers and they don’t really know what a man is supposed to be and then they just are these mamas boys who are just looking for an extension of their mother… They’re looking for a girlfriend slash wife who’s gonna do their laundry and cook their food and clean their house and fucking wipe their ass… {and then suck their dick while they put in the minimum effort}… That’s what guys are looking for today… And I ain’t doing that shit… Mm -hmm…
No thank you… I don’t want that… Call me crazy…I don’t know…
So that’s a shame… Um… Yeah… Just me deciding that I’ll probably be a single and sexless for the rest of my life because there are no worthy men out there…
Probably… Who knows… I’m too wild or weird of a person for the actual worthy men to actually want me… I mean… I got flaws… I’m aware… I’m weird… I got green hair… I don’t know… I guess these wholesome worthy men might not want that…
I have a potty mouth… But I do know how to manage my money… I do live alone and have a clean and organized… One bedroom apartment… And I can cook for myself… I’m no Chef Boy-RD, but yeah…I eat healthy… I take care of my body…
I work on my mind… For the most part…Nah… fuck the most part… I do it… I do good… And I try to be a good person… I work hard… I’m not lazy… I think I’m a catch… You know? Yeah…
But I don’t know… I’m just always that person that guys just see as someone too fucking fuck… Get their dick wet… And nobody really ever wants to get to know more than my body… Nobody seems interested in my mind… Nobody seems to care about what I do… Where I’ve been… Or where I wanna go… Or what I want… They all just care about sleeping with me…
And even then {in sex}… All they care about is themselves… Because they sure as shit aren’t caring about pleasuring me… Cause that shit… mm -mm… It’s not pleasure… mm -mm… It’s bad…
It’s truly been bad… And it’s sad… But… Um… Yeah… It makes sense… It’s just the way this world is and everything… And yeah… I get it… Whatever…
So I’m kinda like in this involuntary slash voluntary hiatus from sex and relationships… And… Um… Whatever…
I’m happy… I’m content… I’m way more productive… You know… When I’m not distracted by guys…
So this is me living it up single and thriving and happy… It’s all good… I’m way more happy this way than sleeping with a bunch of dudes and I can’t even get off and feeling used and abused…
Yeah… I’m happy…
I prefer it this way… It’s better… Life is so much more peaceful and yeah…
Have a good day or night or middle of the day…
Thanks for listening…