So, people probably wonder why this 36 year old woman… girl… lady… I don’t know what the f*** I am… But this now 37 year old human…
Why the f*** is she wearing, this devil-ear Instagram filter…
And this is why… because A… I do want to wear a filter… I want one that smooths out my skin and whatever it does…
I swear it tweaks my eyes… Pulls up my cheeks… {my cheeks on my face}… It pulls those cheeks up… It pulls in my chin… My double chin area… It smooths out my forehead wrinkles… Takes away all the pimples… Everything…. It does that…
Everybody is… all the girls are f****** doing it… Okay, they’re all doing it… I want to f****** do it too… Because yes, you’re putting your face on the internet and people can see and judge you and f*** that…
Go ahead and f****** judge me, but f*** that… If you really think you know me and you’re better than me… f*** that…
I’m not going to let you really like know all of me… I don’t know…
But guess what… I don’t really… I don’t even wear makeup in the real world…Yeah… I wear eyeliner and mascara… {I sound like a gay guy}… But I wear eyeliner and mascara and that’s it… I don’t put concealer on… I don’t put powder on… I don’t cover up my pimples… I don’t cover up my under-eye bags… If I have those… I’m not sure… Or dark circles or whatever… I don’t cover any of that up in the real world…
But when I try to just share my life on the internet… I swear the camera makes me look a hundred times worse… And um… yeah… I don’t want that… I don’t want to look a hundred times worse because lighting and cameras… They fuck s*** up… And I swear they make it worse so that you use their f****** filter… I swear because when I look in the mirror… I do not look that bad…
But when I look at my f****** front-facing camera phone… I…look… f****** horrid most of the time… So I want to wear a filter like every-f******-body else does…
But also… I feel like a complete piece of s*** fraud idiot if I’m gonna allow you to believe that that’s not a filter… That that’s is my real f****** skin and that’s how I f****** look… I will not do that to you… I will not let you think that that’s no filter… And some of them are really f****** convincing with those cute little fake freckles like… yeah… I fucking like it… It looks cute… But it’s so damn realistic… Some of them… Or some… Just like… It’s not realistic… but like people go, oh yeah… Believe it’s realistic… I don’t know…
But I don’t want to do that to you… So I have to be blatantly obvious that I’m wearing this filter for my own f****** self-esteem complex to feel good and feel confident enough to f****** make a stupid ass video of me f****** lip -syncing horribly to a song in the car most of the times…
I’m not… I don’t know what I was saying… I like blanked out there…But I do know I’m not going to allow that… I’m not going to allow… It to be hard for you to tell if I’m wearing a filter or not…
That sounds so wrong and complicated… But yeah… I just see a lot of girls using these filters and I see how beautiful their skin is and I see how f******… Their eyes are glowing brighter and you know… All the s***… I’m seeing that and it looks good…
But I’m seeing that it looks real and it… I’m seeing how a lot of guys and idiots or just people… Young girls… Whatever… I’m seeing how they can think that that is real and a standard to live up to I guess… It’s not…
And that’s why I wear the f****** obvious tacky bulls*** filters… Immature filters… Whatever… Like I’m 36 and I’m wearing f****** devil horns…
But you know what… I like that filter… It covers… It makes my skin nice… But not too f****** nice… It doesn’t f****** make my lips big… I wish it didn’t make that weird dark spot above my lip like I got a mustache or something… But still it doesn’t make my lips big… It doesn’t… It doesn’t f*** up my skin too bad… It doesn’t have stupid fake freckles… But it has the horns to show you… Look I’m f****** fake… This is a filter…
I’m just trying to be like that consensual filter shit going on…
Because no my skin is not always that good… No… Whatever the hell else it does… It’s not that great… I’m not that whatever looking…
I have freckles… I don’t wear skin makeup… I sometimes have pimples and redness… And it looks a hell of a lot worse in the front facing camera… So that’s why… I probably made that point five times over now… And you’re probably sick of hearing me talk about it… And I’m pretty sure I got it all off my chest…
So there you go… There you have it… Thank you again for listening… And yeah… To it all if you’re still here… Or if you only listen to a little bit of it that’s okay too…
Thank you for giving it a try and I’m glad if you didn’t like it that you left… Thanks… Bye…