If you’ve been following my podcast… You would know that I lost my virginity in ninth grade and you know that I gave my first handy before I ever kissed a guy…. You would know that I don’t even remember who I first kissed or when that was… In fact… The only firsts that I do remember is losing my virginity and my first handy… The rest… It’s all just a blur…
I know that in seventh and eighth grade… Once I did that first handy… I was doing a lot of handys because that felt safe… It became easy…
I don’t know when I gave my first blow job… It might’ve still been before my first kiss… I don’t remember… I hope that I got my first kiss before I lost my virginity… Who knows… Maybe when I lost my virginity is when I got my first kiss…
I don’t know… Anyway… That’s not my story…
My story is that I started off sexually being active very young and I was dealing with a lot of selfish motherfuckers… These guys only cared about getting off… They only cared about themselves and I didn’t realize that… I didn’t see that or know that people can be so fucking disgusting like that…
I… On the other hand… Was doing it because I liked these guys and I wanted more from these guys and I thought that I could impress them… That I can show them that I’ll give you what you want… But nobody ever showed me that they WANTED to give me what I want… And my dumb ass couldn’t even see that for about 30 years…
I was getting these guys off and nobody was getting me off… Nobody really tried… Even when they were like feeling me up… It was for their pleasure… Not my pleasure… When they were rubbing on me down there… It was for their exploratory turning them on pleasure… But it definitely was not turning me on… It fucking hurt… I did not enjoy it…
I got real good at faking orgasms at that time so they would fucking stop…
These guys were motherfuckers… They’re pieces of shit fucking assholes who don’t want to stick around… They don’t fucking plan to stick around… They are lazy as fuck… They don’t want to put in the work and they just give no fucks about me…
I’m sorry but I can’t fucking come with that… It doesn’t work like that for me… I’m more of a mental stimulation person… And when you get me mentally stimulated… Then it’s go time… Then I can come with just you fucking blowing on it… You know?
But these guys… These days don’t know how to get a girl mentally stimulated… Nor do they want to do the work to get a girl mentally stimulated… They want easy girls who throw themselves at them… And do all the work for them and just open the fucking gates to their cookie…
That’s what these guys want nowadays… I don’t get what happened in this world… I don’t get why us women don’t… Like… Why do we do that? I don’t get it… I did it… I fucking don’t do it now… But I fucking did it… And I see so many girls still fucking doing it and I just don’t get it…
Honey… Like it should be the other way around… The guys are supposed to be fucking working to win us… Not us working to win them… They ain’t fucking doing shit for us… Why are we working to win them? Like… Let’s stop!
But anyways… Yeah… I mean… I’m not asexual because I’m definitely sexual… I get turned on and I fucking long for someone to sleep with on the daily… I long to be in a long term committed relationship… A healthy… Nurturing relationship with a person that we could have some bomb ass sex with…
I long for that… So I’m not asexual… The technical term I recently found out is demisexual… So I have the definition right here… Demisexuality per Google here as listed is a sexual orientation… People who identify as demisexual only feel sexual attraction to someone AFTER {keyword after} they have formed a strong emotional bond with them…
So that is definitely me… I need a strong… Trusting… Emotional connection with you before I’m ever going to get turned on by you… That’s my requirements… And living in this world today… Guys… Don’t seem to know how to mentally stimulate a woman…
Mm -mm… I’m sorry… They think that the way to get a girl turned on is by saying they got a big dick… Or what else? I can’t even think right now of all the bullshit that they think turns women on… But I guess it works for those idiots out there that just… Like I said… Are opening up their pearly gates to that cookie…
But No… I don’t give a fuck about how big your dick is and how nice it is…
I don’t even give a fuck if you have a dick… To be honest…
Just fucking man the fuck up… I have not had a lot of men in my life… So that’s probably why I’m such a fucking masculine bitch… But I would love to take a step back from that role and find someone else to do that shit for me because that would be awesome…
I’m sorry… I know there’s good guys out there and even probably some of these pieces of shit that I was with were maybe good guys… But they weren’t good guys to me… And all I ever tried to do was be fucking good to them… I was chill as fuck…
I do not do all that girly drama… I’m not gonna do some bullshit jealousy crap on you… I’m gonna trust you… I’m gonna give you your freedom… I’m gonna not play stupid games with you… I’m gonna look cute for you… I’ll dress up sexy for you… I will I make sure you come every fucking time… But… Nobody did that shit for me…
And so I can’t… It’s not me… I know it’s not me… You know… Everyone would probably say maybe it’s something about her and honey trust me… It’s not…
Guys only want sex and they want you to take the place of their mother… They want you to fill that place and then their content…
If they can stick their dick in you… And if you can make them food and if you can make their life easier… Then they’re down…
They don’t want to be a man and guess what…
I want a man… And when I see that you ain’t a man and you… You just want me to be your mama…
I can’t fucking come with that… I Can’t get down with that…
Give me some mental stimulation please… And thank you…